weasel's wacky world of poptaculosity

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2007-01-09T15:17:00.000+11:00

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A whole new world

2006-11-15T23:22:00.000+11:00

A new fantastic point of view.

This blog will be on hold for a while, as I give www.samesame.com.au some lovin'.

Before I depart though, let me just say I WAS RIGHT.

I'm listening to a promo of the Young Divas album (before I interview them tomorrow - look for it on samesame) and looky here... You'll Never Stop Me Loving You... just as predicted.

Shame they didn't do 'You Think You're a Man', but basically the whole album is gay enough that they could have.

Like the predictable faggot I am, I'm loving it.

This shit is... well, just plain shit, frankly.

2006-11-01T20:57:00.000+11:00

From most improved to most deteriorated...

and the weiner is...

Now, the comparison to Fergie has been made elsewhere perfectly well, but it is totally apt so I will repeat it: GWEN STEFANI'S NEW SINGLE SOUNDS LIKE FERGIE ON A VERY BAD DAY. Indeed, I really didn't think I'd hear a worse song than 'London Bridge' (which is allegedly about group sex) this year, but 'Wind It Up' has roughly the appeal of a menage a trois with Emily and Lavina Williams (am I the only one who just realised that they can be referred to as the OTHER Williams sisters?). It makes Madonna's 'American Life' sound credible in comparison.

As, you will hear if you dare to listen, it samples 'The Lonely Goatherd'. As you will hear if you can bear to keep listening, that is very literally the 'best' thing about it. Additionally, she makes reference to wearing clothes from L.A.M.B.

More like 'mutton dressed as L.A.M.B'. We'll evidently be "waiting for [her] hot track" for a while yet.

Take your own advice, love, wind it up.

PS. Does everyone get a fucking doll these days??

I'll have a Duff, you have one too

2006-11-01T20:44:00.000+11:00

I'll have Hilary, you can have Haylie.

OK, that's mean, you can take both and I'll stick with Lindsay Lohan. Just think of Duff-the-Elder as a stunt double.

Still, this video surely earns Hilary a 'most improved' sticker. Full credit to My Lovely American Friend (MLAF).

PS. Hilary now designs Barbie clothes. Good to have something to fall back on, love, but isn't Lindsay already a Barbie Doll? Who wants to dress a Lindsay doll in Hilary clothes and send it to both of them??

Call that a touchdown?

2006-10-31T19:50:00.000+11:00

THIS is a touchdown.

The first was good, as were both Chris and Damien (who actually deserved a touchdown more than anyone else did, frankly), but when you compare it to a Classic Casey Moment TM, there's just no fucking contest.

Fight the Mediocrity:
**Text NO CANDIDATE to 19 10 10**

Make your vote count

2006-10-24T01:18:00.000+10:00

I'm tired of all the nonsense about how Idull this year has had the best selection of talent ever. Frankly, it's been a beigefest to make even last year look good. Bobby Flynn might have been the most interesting thing on offer, but he was still a fundamentalist Christian STING IMPERSONATOR who looked distinctly like the kid from Mask*, but without Cher as an accessory. And frankly, a Bob Mackie gown or two might have been of use.

Being a lefty whinger from way back, I'm used to being able to express my discontent with the candidates on offer by excercising a 'no candidate' vote. Since the powers that be at Network Ten are unlikely to offer such an option, I'm taking matters into my own hands.

TEXT "NO CANDIDATE" TO 191010 after next week's show.

Let them know that it's time to give up.

* I forget whose observation this was, but it wasn't mine, sadly.

More on SAW

2006-10-21T16:37:00.000+10:00

Remember Morris Minor and the Majors of 'Stutter Rap' fame?

This was their somewhat less successful second single, a parody of SAW entitled 'This Is the Chorus'.

A high point of Western civilisation, believe you me.

SAW-dust

2006-10-19T18:27:00.000+10:00

The Young Divas have announced single number two and the release of their album in December. After their cover of Donna Summer's 1989 Stock Aitken Waterman penned and produced hit 'This Time I Know It's For Real', they're raiding the SAW achives again with a cover of Lonnie Gordon's appropriately titled 'Happenin' All Over Again'.

These songs are perfect for the YDs, having been written by pasty Brits for fading black divas. Why, then, have they resorted to covers of 'It's Raining Men', 'Gloria' and 'What a Feeling' (especially as Marcia Hines recorded the last of these semi-recently) for their album?

I propose they head back to the studio and make the 100% SAW-penned album that is their destiny. This should include:

'F.L.M (Fun, Love and Money)' - originally recorded by Mel and Kim
'Love In the First Degree' - originally recorded by Bananarama
'You'll Never Stop Me From Loving You' - originally recorded by Sonia
'Toy Boy' - originally recorded by Sinitta
'Je Ne Sais Pas Porquoi' and/or'Turn It Into Love' and/or 'It's no Secret' - originally recorded by Kylie Minogue
'Nothing Can Divide Us' - originally recorded by Jason Donovan (inexplicably absent from YouTube!)
'My Arms Keep Missing You' - originally recorded by Rick Astley (ditto)
'You Think You're a Man' - originally recorded by Divine (with a guest appearance from Courtney Act, who should have recorded this as her debut single)

Most of all, the album should include a cover of the charmingly titled 'I'd Rather Jack', a hit (well, in the UK, unless you call number 46 in Oz a 'hit') for the very lovely Reynolds Girls. Before you get too excited, 'Jack' was allegedly slang for a certain type of house music, so they aren;t suggesting any lewd conduct. However, with lyrics like "AM, FM, all that jazz / We'd rather sing along with Yazz" and "I'd rather jack / Than Fleetwood Mac", its an absolute craptacular classic.

The video is a joy too, so I'm presenting it now in all its glory Hopefully, the YDs can now learn HOW IT'S DONE. I think some advice from the lovely scouse lasses on hair and outfits might not go astray either. They were sixteen when this vid was made, but the haircuts make them look forty. Genius!

"Will you ever win?" Apparently not.

2006-10-16T20:49:00.000+10:00

Another week, another Idull exits with an ironic choice of song.

Don't say I didn't warn you, though, Bobby fans. He was vulnerable and you failed to reach out.

Now the prospect of Dean winning seems more likely, but I still think whoever he goes up against will have a huge advantage of not having a South African accent.

I'm gonna go with Damien as the man most likely at this stage. But who cares?

A few notes on Idull

2006-10-16T02:12:00.000+10:00

1. Has anyone noticed the Bobby Flynn 'magic' actually consists of sounding rather a lot like Sting? I googled 'Bobby Flynn Sting' before I posted this, and it doesn't seem to be widely acknowledged. I mean, he's the best of a banal bunch, but let's not pretend he's Mr Versatility.

2. Kyle Sandilands (for whom my disdain is clearly stated - scroll down on that page a bit) has risen in my estimation somewhat. His comments are frequently spot on, and often quite constructive. Mark's even having the odd moment of clarity,although his constant excuse making for that wretched budgerigar is driving me nuts. She's not the only one who plays her guitar, and she's not the only one who's sixteen! As for Marcia, the sooner she gets embalmed and they get Deni to dub her contributions the better, honeychile.

3. I would like to dub Chris Murphy 'Pie Jesu' as an alternative to 'Fat Jesus'. He looks to finally be toast this week, given that he managed to be even duller than all the other adult contemporary dreck on offer. I don't care if it's acoustic, a boring dirge is still a boring dirge.

4. Ricky Muscat could go too. I'll be surprised if they aren't both bottom three.

5. I must reluctantly admit that Damien Leith was the exception this week. I absolutely adore 'Wicked Game', so he was potentially skating on thin ice. However, his vocals were mostly sublime and he managed to vary his version from the original a bit without wrecking it. Probably the only 'touchdown' this year that I'd actually pay.

6. The quality of the women on this year's Idull does seem exceptionally low. Lisa needs to actually be caught in headlights rather than just looking like she is. Jess is adorable and I heart her oh-so-cute comments about how her voice is her instrument and how its nice to see the others getting to use instruments because that's what they like doing, but she needs to find something in her repertoire besides inspirational power ballads.

7. I hereby predict a Bobby/Dean final, but stand by my call that Dean, like Anthony Callea, Millsy and Lee Harding, will fail to translate his popularity with the younger female audience into the wider popularity that actually sees someone crowned winner. The older demographic is tuning in now (Idull made it to 1.9M viewers last week) and has the power of non pre-paid mobile plans to ensure a win for the non-teen idol finalist.

8. That said, Bobby could actually be in danger this week. If he's gonna go at any stage prior to the final it's likely to be after he does something mediocre but not poor enough to get slammed for.

9. I defer to Christian on the topic of Ricky Muscat: I want to do him.

10. Acoustic night was the worst episode of Idull I've ever endured. What show do these fuckers think they're on? YOU AREN'T HERE TO BE SERIOUS MUSICIANS! The whole singer-songwriter could seriously throw out my predictions for the final... so I'll adjust my predictions after Tuesday's 'Up Close and Personal' thingamajig.

And in case you missed it, here's the moment that exemplifies why Idull this year is a travesty of Lindsay-Lohan-gone-blonde proportions:

A Licky Boom Boom Down

2006-10-16T02:07:00.000+10:00

While watching Idull, my friend commenetd that her boyfriend saw snow on the weekend in Tasmania.

I paused and then giggled inanely for a while.

When I regained composure I admitted that my laughter was because her comment had made me think not of cold weather, but of this man:

Quoth she: "There is something seriously wrong with your brain."

Point taken.

Someone alert Jose Gonzalez!

2006-10-08T16:27:00.000+10:00

Upon listening to Dear Euphoria, as recommended by the always reliable (but somewhat Nordically biased) rheiner, I came to wondering how songs by the Aussie 'band' Euphoria (later to become AK Soul and Elastic - does anyone else remember 'Caution to the Wind'??) might sound as indie torch ballads.

Imagine these lyrics sung wistfully:

You know I needed to have my say
Don't need no life full of dissarray
This love of ours we can partake
Ain't no such thing as a small heartache

You're the one, it feels so right
I'm lifted to a brand new height
You're the one, it's only you
And this is what I'm gonna do
You're the one, it feels so right
I'm lifted to a brand new height
You're the one, it's only you
And this is what I'm gonna do

I wanna, I wanna love you right
I wanna, I wanna love you right
I wanna, I wanna love you right
I wanna, I wanna love you right

Trouble you know
I'm in too deep
My yearning for your body has just increased
So hold me now, baby, right till the end
Pleasure from the flesh, must be godsend

You're the one, it feels so right
I'm lifted to a brand new height
You're the one, it's only you
And this is what I'm gonna do
You're the one, it feels so right
I'm lifted to a brand new height
You're the one, it's only you
And this is what I'm gonna do

I wanna, I wanna love you right
I wanna, I wanna love you right
I wanna, I wanna love you right
I wanna, I wanna love you right

Yes folks, its a pop song to heartfelt ballad conversion opportunity just waiting for someone brave enough to tackle it. Perhaps I should wack an email off to Bobby Flynn in time for 'Australian Made' night?

Ew. I just used the words 'wack', 'off' and 'Bobby Flynn' in a sentence...

Another one bites the dust

2006-10-02T21:19:00.000+10:00

"Sing with me, sing for the years
Sing for the laughter and sing for the tears
Sing with me, if its just for today
Maybe tomorrow the good lord will take you away"

And so, Australian Idol claims another victim of the ironic song choice variety.

Sadly, Mutto, as much as he has been treading water for weeks, was actually pretty good this week. I was hoping against hope for a second week running that the person who got voted off would be the pretty media darling (Lisa this week, Dean last week) and not the more obvious candidate for eviction.

Still, next week is Disco, which should prove a tad troublesome for Lisa. In keeping with the tradition of the last few weeks, I'm hoping she gets voted off after butchering 'I Will Survive'.

Actually, what odds does anyone want to give me on her doing a Cake-esque version of that song??

Great Expectations

2006-10-01T20:56:00.000+10:00

Lavina Williams' mother:

"I hoped she'd be an air hostess."

Methinks she aimed a little high there.

She's outta here!

2006-09-26T22:01:00.000+10:00

Did anyone else get a chuckle at poor Klancie having "I'm outta here" as the last words she would sing on Idol?

Priceless. Does no one think of these things when they choose a song?

Anyway, apologies for those who've missed me [crickets chirp].

I'll be a little thin on postings for a couple more weeks, but I'll try and make some effort, especially now that my Idol boycott has gone down in flames.

Late Night Intellectuals

2006-08-16T01:15:00.000+10:00

For those who aren't regularly up and watching television after midnight, it might be news that every commercial network now airs a late night quiz show where people make expensive phonecalls to get an opportunity to answer lame questions and win amounts of money between $50 and $1000 odd.

It all started with Big Brother Up Late, which needed something for people to watch when housemates were asleep. This then became The Up Late Gameshow with Simon "Hotdogs" Deering (BB05 housemate - the one who got busted getting a blowjob in public).

The other networks were slow to respond to this money grabbing manipulation of a ratings-irrelevant viewing period, but since the end of this year's Big Brother Up Late (which presumably dominates the ratings at that hour), they have introduced Quizmania (on Nein) and Midnight Zoo (Seven).

Anyway, I don't need to go into detail about how bad they are, especially since someone else has already done it, but I thought I'd share a special moment from Quizmania.

The challenge was to come up with words that go with the word 'High' to form a composite word, or phrase.

"So what's your answer?" asks the host.

"Um... is it Hygiene?"

And yet people are petitioning to get these shows off air. For shame!

Thought for the day

2006-08-13T02:56:00.000+10:00

From an MSN Messenger chat:

[Anon friend] says:
I prefer Madonna, but admire Kylie so much following her cancer stuff etc...

[Me] says:
Meh. She got sick, how is that an achievement? Madonna got crucified and you don't hear her complaining.

Which is worse...

2006-08-08T01:13:00.000+10:00

The fact that I'm obsessively listening to a duo of teenage girls who are not only Christians but were home schooled and don't believe in evolution?

Or that I got into them because they have a song featured in the Bratz Rock Angelz video game that I've been humming all week?

Dead heat I reckon.

Another travesty

2006-08-05T17:26:00.000+10:00

Besides a few tribute albums and the inevitable dance versions, most of Madonna's back catalogue remains relatively 'uncovered'. Teenage fanclub did a cool version of 'Like a Virgin' and there was of course Kelly Osbourne's version of 'Papa Don't Preach' (which, to be honest, I didn't think was all that awful).

Still, a high profile cover of a Madonna song was inevitable. The film Material Girls starring the sisters Duff has been touted for ages now, as has the version of 'Material Girl' that would be its theme song. Apparently it is no longer to be a single, however, and just as well.

The weirdest part of this crime against faggotry is that the song is produced by Timbaland. What the fuck was he thinking slapping a cheesy beat left over from Brandy's last album to vocals that the sisters seemingly phoned in while at the manicurist?

It will come as no surprise that this version lacks any of the sluttish charm of the original, but the fact that it has even less sass than the Tamperer's deliberately deadpan interpolation of the song on 'If You Buy This Record Your Life Will Be Better' is really rather remarkable.

Overheard at the Midnight Shift...

2006-08-05T15:38:00.000+10:00

Firstly, this is the only pic I could find of David and Sherif online, so don't mind the lame 'marry me' bit, OK?

I was but metres away from these men last night at the Midnight Shift nightclub and overheard Sherif say to David:

"It would be so much easier if you spoke any French or Arabic..."

Trouble in paradise?

'Pop Life' August

2006-08-05T15:35:00.000+10:00

Here are the bits from my latest 'Pop Life' Column that aren't already plagiarised from this blog:

Of course Darren’s man could have made things easier if he’d married the other ‘new’ recruit to the ranks of openly homo celebrities, former Justin Timberlake back up singer (I mean, N’Sync member) Lance Bass. Then they could Dick and Lance. From what I hear on the grapevine, poor old Lance could use a nicer boyfriend. Rumours abound that his current bit of fluff, Amazing Race winner Reichen, is using him for his money after putting most of his TV winnings up his nose. And Reichen apparently believes in neither trust nor monogamy. No wonder Lance wants to be an astronaut, it must be terrible dating people who are just hoping for a chance to meet Justin.

Still if doesn’t work out, perhaps we can look forward to a TV special Lance is Getting Married… or should that be Lance is Getting Committed? I’m sure David from Big Brother’s boyfriend will be single by then and looking for his next chance to jump on the fame bandwagon. How embarrassing was their emotional reunion after their whole four weeks of being in love? And they met at Mardi Gras, so presumably they spent a chunk of that time either high or coming down.

Now, did I mention Jessica Simpson? No? Well, besides having a new album with a title that George Michael must be envious of, she’s recorded a cover of a camp classic on her new album. Track two on A Public Affair is a version of Dead or Alive’s ‘You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)’, and it is a travesty of Jamie-winning-Big-Brother proportions. Pete Burns would be spinning in his grave if he was dead and not just a freaky plastic-surgery-gone wrong mess.

Still at least Jess is trying to be respectful to her pop elders. Ripping off ‘Holiday’ on her current single is by no means as big an insult to Madonna as that managed by British starlet Lily Allen, who has dubbed Madge “the most over-rated person in pop history. She told magazine: "I haven't got anything against her at all but I don't think anything she's done since the early Eighties has really been, like, 'wow'. She might have meant something once but I don't know many people my age who care."

Ouch. Ever hear of ‘Ray of Light’ Lily? Methinks it will outlast ‘Smile’ in the hearts of the masses. At least ‘Smile’ is an enjoyable enough ditty the first eighteen or so times though, something which can’t be said for the solo debut of Black Eyed Pease singer Fergie. ‘London Bridge’, a recording so painful as to make me re-evaluate the relative awfulness of Bec Cartwright’s singing ‘career’.

Superstar indeed

2006-08-05T15:32:00.000+10:00

The great pop music just keeps coming.

Go here and click the link to hear Jamelia's great new single.

A question...

2006-07-18T22:26:00.000+10:00

Now that Darren Hayes has married the man of his dreams, does he still "believe that trust is more important than monogamy"?

I hope so. Anyway, his official statement is quite nice.

I am always so amused that anyone thinks there was ever a doubt about 'our Darren' (mental note: find out his husband's name so as to make revolting 'Kurbans' style couple nickname).

Even when he had a female wife he oozed faggotry.

Even Savage Garden's first album had the lyric "dancing to Madonna then you kissed me". I mean where was he meant to be dancing to Madonna in the mid-90s? It's not like the remix of 'Don't Cry For Me Argentina' was a hit in RSL clubs now was it?

Vale Casey

2006-07-18T17:15:00.000+10:00

Saying goodbye, it's never easy
Sometimes love Is a fair weather friend
Just when you thought it was forever
Your whole world It comes to an end

You know I've felt like this, I've been there before
And there is one thing I know

It's better to love and feel the pain
Than to hide your love away
'Cause I'd rather feel, I'd rather cry
It's better to love

I see you're hurt and I know your reasons
It's only a matter of time
Before your heart can find sweet love again
And give you the courage to fly

You know I've felt like this, I've been there before
And there is one thing I know
It's better to love and feel the pain
Than to hide your love away
'Cause I'd rather feel, I'd rather cry
It's better to love

Some people run away
Let love just fade away
And end up with nothing at all
It's better to love

I want a pony

2006-07-18T16:24:00.000+10:00

Pony or pornstar?

An oldie, but a goodie.

Except it kind of reminds me of this (be sure to be patient, it loads eventually and is well worth the wait).

NB. The pony above is my special birthday pony. Find out yours here.

I want to make things better, so I think I'll write a letter...

2006-07-02T17:39:00.000+10:00

...and not get published by the Herald once more.

However, the one time they did publish my letter was when I wrote about Australian Idol, so maybe they'll print my letter about Big Brother:

Those who seek to 'evict' Big Brother from our TV screens miss the point. As serious as the actions of 'Ashley' and 'John' are, the sad truth is that acts of sexual assualt happen to women every day. The difference is that these young men were stupid enough to do it with a camera watching.

They deserve to be punished to the full extent of the law. However, axing the show will not stop sexual assaults happening, but rather further entrench the notion that exceptional circumstances are to blame for sexual assault rather than a culture of misogyny.

Already there is a backlash against the woman who was subjected to the assault, with online pundits arguing that Camilla 'lead Ashley on' or that she was targeted for such treatment because she is flirtatious and forthcoming about her sexual experiences.

The show stay on air and that Camilla - already the most popular housemate before these events because of her direct but warm personality - be voted the winner. It needs to be demonstrated that a woman does not have to behave as the like of Steve Fielding see fit in order to be considered a good person and undeserving of such treatment.

You probably didn't hear it here first...

2006-07-01T21:14:00.000+10:00

...but the reason John and Ashley were kicked off Big Brother is apparently for John holding down Camilla while Ashley slapped her across the face with his cock (apparently known as 'turkey slapping').

The official story is vague, presumably because of the legal ramifications of their actions and the BB website has closed any forum topics that discuss it, but since a whole heap of fans saw it happen on live streaming, the story, it would seem, is out.

No clarity as yet on what events leading up to this were... anyone got more?

I predict the following:
1. A major outcry from the groups that already want the show shut off air.
2. The end of live streaming on the website.
3. A lot of sympathy for Camilla (who I want to win anyway...)
4. A lot of hostility towards here also from the sort of fuckwits who are already saying that she gave Ashley 'mixed messages' and that they never would have done it to any of the other girls.

Camilla is up for eviction this week, and whilst the tedious beyond belief Gaelan is a red hot favourite to go, we can't afford to be complacent and see a woman get evicted for being sexually assaulted.

TO SAVE CAMILLA:
Call 1902555563 and follow the prompts or SMS 199 2SAVE (199 27283) with the message 'Camilla'.

Update: More info here.

Unexpectedly good pop songs

2006-06-29T19:27:00.000+10:00

In fact, the theme of winter seems to be unexpectedly good pop songs. As well as Xtina and Paris, I've gotta add Jessica Simpson to the list.

Admittedly, it's not the first time Jess and I have seen eye to eye, as I totally hearted 'With You', but nonetheless I'm a bit shocked to be enjoying the amusingly named ‘A Public Affair' so much. Sadly it isn't about cheating on Nick, being about an 'affair' as in an event and generally being of the 'let's party' theme, but someone in Jess HQ surely saw the song title and thought it might invite a bit of curiosity. In keeping with the party theme, the song owes more than a little to Madonna’s ‘Holiday’. To be exact it sounds like 'Holiday' as performed live, with the percussion brought forward in the mix (listen to it and see for yourself). Apparently Madge is none too phased. Her rep Liz Rosenberg is confident the song is “no doubt a loving tribute/homage/shout-out from Jessica to Madonna".

Meanwhile, Nelly Furtado’s new album Loose looks like a winner start to finish, if the three tracks I’ve heard are any indication (and the reviews suggest they are). If you’ve heard her new single ‘Promiscuous’, look forward to ‘Maneater’ (the album’s first UK release), because it’s an even better song, a thumping pop anthem with a slightly more even balance between Timbaland style hip-hop production and Nelly’s more familiar folk-pop stylings. The track 'No Hay Igual', which for some reason was pre-released on Australian itunes some weeks ago, is another gem.

Update: The Josh Desi remix of 'Promiscuous' is especially good.

I'd post more...

2006-06-29T19:23:00.000+10:00

...but I've been busy with important things.

Has it come to this?

2006-06-19T20:51:00.000+10:00

I laughed at The Wizard of Id today.

"Betty Boo."

"Shit."

You need to buy this

2006-06-10T18:35:00.000+10:00

My single favourite pop song of the last few years has finally garnered an Australian release. 'The Show', which featured on the second Girls Aloud album, What Will the Neighbours Say, was inbcluded as a bonus track on the Australian release of their latest album Chemistry and has now been released as a single.

Here's a sample of why I love this song:

"Shoulda known, shoulda cared
Shoulda hung around the kitchen in my underwear
Acting like a lady
You shoulda made me
Shoulda jumped a little higher
Shoulda fluttered my mascara Like a butterfly
Instead of being lazy
It woulda saved me"

So, as you can plainly seem its better late than never. Now go buy!

NB. This is the British single cover because I can't find a high quality image of the Australian one. I like the UK cover better anyway.

You Could Have It So Much Better

2006-06-10T01:10:00.000+10:00

It seems I actually have the urge to talk about Big Brother. I don’t mean the one we are subjected to with that tedious National Party voting, organic farming top-who-likes-to-take-it (I wonder if that gaydar name is taken?) and his pretty but bland associates. I’m talking about the real deal: Big Brother UK.

The British have always treated Big Brother as more of a freak show than we do, and have never tolerated bland contestants. Contestants are chosen who will stir conflict and controversy, and this year has certainly been no exception. Housemate Shahbaz claimed that he was going to attempt suicide on air, before walking out of his own accord. Another housemate, Dawn, was evicted by producers for receiving coded messages from the outside telling her that she was on the receiving end of negative publicity, only to stage a hunger strike, demanding access to unedited footage of her time in the house in order to clear her name. She is threatening legal action over the way she was depicted on the show, taking particular exception to the implication that she does now wash regularly.

Another contestant claims to have the largest breast implants in Britain, and an intruder called Sam is actually biologically male, but is telling the housemates she’s a woman. Best of all, the likely winner is a wannabe rock singer called Pete, who has a pretty severe case of Tourette’s syndrome. If this all sounds horribly exploitative, that’s because it is, but Pete’s popularity has less to do with being funny than with his quite endearing personality overall and his positive attitude to overcoming the quite considerable hurdles he has faced in his life.

Indeed, if he wins he will fit in rather well with other BBUK winners who have helped humanise a marginalised group in society. Of course there was season 5 winner Nadia, who made a guest appearance on our version after helping create a significantly higher level of public acceptance of transgender people in the UK, and there was also the season 2 winner, the hilariously camp Brian Dowling, who built acceptance of another marginalised group close to your heart and mine: trolley dollies.

Paris is Burning.

2006-06-10T00:38:00.000+10:00

Besides Xtina, I'm also loving the new Paris Hilton song.

Whilst I'm not entirely sure I like it as much as the fantastic ‘Screwed’, which somehow never got released after Paris and Haylie Duff (who??) had a cat fight about it (maybe Girls Aloud should have a go), the new Paris track is pretty cool.

It's been compared in sound to Blondie's 'The Tide is High' (or perhaps, more accurately, to Atomic Kitten's cover version?) and UB40's 'Kingston Town', and vocally to Gwen Stefani. All of those comparisons are apt. It's pretty obviously had some serious digital surgery, so the jury is definitely out on whether Paris can sing. I look forward to the live show.

The video has emerged too, with Paris on a beach writhing, so it seems like the much touted Paris album is on its way well and truly. However, it is as yet untitled album, with previous reports that it would have the awesome title Paris Is Burning looking sadly doubtful. This would have not only been a great title for the album full stop, but it would have made my planned independent film Paris Is Burning, Texas* even more relevant.

Other news on the album includes Paris having written lyrics for seven of the songs, and that it includes a cover of Rod Stewart’s signature hit ‘Do Ya Think I’m Sexy’. Can’t wait.

Paris has also revealed that she contemplated a boob job, but changed her mind when her father said it was ‘sleazy’. Says the star of One Night In Paris: “he said it would cheapen my image. So I decided not to do it."

That was a near miss.

*Just like my planned short film 'Babychino', this may never happen.

Update: Shortly after posting this I received a spam email titled 'cure that burning flame'. Tee hee.

[normal service will resume shortly]

2006-06-07T02:53:00.000+10:00

Just because I know you miss me...

I'm in the midst of essay marking hell, but I'll be posting soon.

In the meantime, let me simply say:

The new Christina Aguilera song is BOSS. It makes me strut.

Oh how I love the Itunes US store!

The joy of washed up celebrities II

2006-05-30T14:46:00.000+10:00

I'm a little slow off the mark writing about It Takes Two, I know, but I couldn't face the prospect of watching it. The hilarity of last ditch attempts by Punani and Guy Sebastian to save their careers (although perhaps Guy could form Young Divos with Millsy, Levi and Courtney Murphy) is admiteddly appealing, but the whole thing is a bit too Singing With the Stars for my liking.

So I was all set to ignore it until I chanced upon the news that Wendy Matthews is on the show.

I can't quite decide if that is hilarious or genuinely sad.

The poor love. I thought that it would rain, on the day she went on a TV show.

PS. The website for the show seems a tad optimistic...

"The legendary singer and former Young Talent Time performer and journalist/broadcaster Karen Knowles and Richard Zachariah hit the floor next with the swing tune, What Now, My Love? Richard brought out all the suave moves and their peformance was welcomed by the studio audience who went wild!
The judges seemed to be won over too!
Scores: Marina 4, James 4, Amanda 4, Ross 4 "

(Those scores are out of 10)

The joy of washed up celebrities

2006-05-30T12:28:00.000+10:00

This is not as good as 'Girlfriend star tries on new platform' (about a former singer with the band Girlfriend working in a shoe store in Castle Hill), but it's good. Wonder if he'll do an interview with Koshie and Mel?

OT - Not just a cereal

2006-05-28T13:54:00.000+10:00

A former inhabitant of my house (ie. before I or my housemates lived here) was a Scientologist. It would appear that she fled Scientology when she fled the house, because we have been getting her Scientology mail for some months now.

And what a riot it is. All OT (operating thetan) and havingness and so on and so forth. It's basically a whole new language, and trying to work out what the pamphlets and magazines we get say is difficult to say the least.

Yesterday a great big magazine arrived celebrating the birthday of LRH (L. Ron Hubbard, Scientology founder), with a big article proclaiming Scientology's many successes over the last twelve months.

Besides the disturbing news that LRH has received an award from the UN (a slight overstatement, says my googling effort) and that his 'technology' is being used by hundreds of governments, what I particularly enjoyed was the bit where they mentioned that media coverage of Scientology had increased by 300% over the past twelve months.

This figure actually seems quite modest, when you think about all the press over Tom Cruise and his nutty Scientology-inspired antics.

I think perhaps the maxim 'all publicity is good publicity' has now been stretched to breaking point.

(NB. Pic above: To acknowledge one’s attainment of New OT VIII, a Scientologist may wear the OT bracelet)

PS. Speaking of Scientologists has anyone else enjoyed Fat Actress?? I might post on this later.

A new low?

2006-05-27T14:13:00.000+10:00

This is totally stolen from Popjustice, but try and guess what BWY stands for?

If something really tasteless springs to mind, then you're right.

To make matters worse, they are all failed Norwegian Pop Idol contestants. The Young Divas of Scandinavia, if you will.

I think they could have just called themselves Oriental Layer Cake.

About 66 cents (AU) worth of songwriting genius

2006-05-25T22:54:00.000+10:00

50 Cent has just won a prize for songwriting.

Rather than comment, I've elected to provide some examples of his award winning oeuvre.

From Candy Shop:

"Isn't it ironic how erotic it is to watch em in thongs
Had me thinking 'bout that ass after I'm gone
I touch the right spot at the right time
Lights on or lights off, she like it from behind"

From 21 Questions:

"And in bed if I used to my tongue, would you like that?
If I wrote you a love letter would you write back?
Now we can have a lil' drink, you know a nightcap
And we could go do what you like, I know you like that"

From Disco Inferno:

"U see me rollin, you know wot I'm holdin, I'm about my paper, yeah.
Nigga I'm serious, I ain't playin', I'm embeded in ya brain, I'm off the chain."

From Ghetto Quran:

"That first verse is just a dose of the shit that I'm on
Consider this the first chapter in the ghetto's Quran"

On the bright side, he is the person who said "I love you like a fat kid loves cake"...

A couple of thoughts

2006-05-24T01:51:00.000+10:00

Firstly, after watching the series finale of Desperate Housewives, I've come to the conclusion that it has become Melrose Place. It started out as a mix of pomo cuteness and a little bit of seriousness, and now it's an uber melodrama with Marcia Cross getting nuttier by the week.

Secondly, if even I am bored by Madonna's latest antics, exactly who still cares??

Them wacky Confederates

2006-05-23T22:36:00.000+10:00

OK, so calling Victoria 'The Confederacy' is probably only amusing to me, but my absence from blogging has been due to a trip down South.

As soon as I saw this I knew it would be my Melbourne Anecdote TM.

A seriously schmick bar (all frosted glass, white leather and metallic surfaces, with the requisite trendoid crowd - like a straight version of Slide in Sydney) with...

row after row...

of Ten Pin Bowling.

I can just imagine the conversation that brought such an idea about.

Person one: So, what do you think is the worst thing we could possibly mix with alcohol?
Person two: Hmm... I dunno... GHB?
Person one: Yeah, OK, besides that...
Person two: Oh, well I guess it would have to be Ten Pin Bowling then.
Person one: Bingo!

It was fun while it lasted

2006-05-17T14:40:00.000+10:00

Commander in Chief has been axed. This was to be expected, given its sagging ratings in the US (and also here, where it is now below a million viewers a week) and its deeply formulaic nature, but nonetheless I've enjoyed it while it lasted.

Many will leap to point out that CIC is not half the show that The West Wing is, and they are probably right. Never having watched TWW, I have to rely on the reviews and opinions from people I know who suggest it is a genuinely clever, quality drama series.

CIC was not. It was fluff. But it was my fluff. For some reason, I found the adventures of Mackenzie Allan, the independent Vice President thrust into being the first woman President by the death of her Republican running mate, compulsive viewing.

There were many, many flaws: the ridiculous premise, the fact that the views and actions of President Allan were far to the left of the Democrats but yet she had run with Republicans and her strategy for re-election was to win as a moderate, and, most of all, the fact that she bloody wins every week. However, CIC felt like a drop of Hollywood optimism (albeit misguided) in a storm of depressing reality.It was pretty easy to feel a bit of love for a President who angsted over women being stoned to death for adultery in Nigeria. OK, and her son being seriously HOT didn't hurt.

There are three more episodes airing in the US and then maybe a telemovie. This means it will still air for most of the rest of the year in Oz (unless its ratings *really* sag), but there's still not a lot of chance of ever seeing 'Mack' fight a Presidential election, the one thing that would really have been worth waiting to see.

Farewell CIC, we hardly knew ye.

PS. This site, which reads as though its a political blog about a real political leader, is craptacular. Hilariously, the yes vote is winning the poll of whether Mackenzie should step down by a significant margin.
PPS. Australian TV might not have aired the episodes (I'm of course getting my CIC fix on itunes) where Mark-Paul Gosselaar (aka. Zack from Saved By the Bell) joins the cast, but he's a definite bonus.

The surprises keep coming

2006-05-14T23:22:00.000+10:00

This is the sorry excuse for a city boy homo that the powers that be have elected should join self-hating (read: National Party member) so-called top David on Big Brother.

(Did anyone notice David's essentially misogynistic response as to why he chose men over women??)

It was mindnumbingly obvious that they would choose a camp guy to go in and annoy the hell out of David, but it surely would have made better TV to have chosen a camp but attractive guy, who David might be simultaneously drawn to and annoyed by?

This beast with 80s hair, bad fake tan and eyebrows that would shame a drag queen is hardly going to cause a stir.

Here's hoping he might have a violent political disagreement with David over the merits of the National Party, but I won't be holding my breath.

Surprise 'Biggest Loser' celebrates

2006-05-09T10:33:00.000+10:00

I can really see a reality TV show being based on this, or at least David Blaine will try and be down a mine for longer.

UPDATE: Ideas for a reality TV show (tentatively named Shafted)

(with input from ComicStripHero)

- the premise: how long can you remain shafted? Out stay, out last, out emote.
- the hosts: Jennifer Hawkins and Grant Bowler
- the theme song: 'Hole in My Heart (All the Way to China)' - Cyndi Lauper OR 'Stuck in the Middle With You' - Stealers OR 'Stuck in a Moment You Can't Get Out Of' - U2 (or maybe 'We're Sending Our Love Down the Well'*)
- cruel twist 1: you get sent an ipod, with only Nicki Webster on it
- cruel twist 2: a celebrity is coming down to share her lunch with you - Mary Kate Olsen
- cruel twist 3: a celebrity is coming down to share her lunch with you - Lindsay Lohan (who ate before she came down...)
- cruel twist 4: a scrabble board with no vowels is sent down
- cruel twist 5: sustagen gold is given through a tube as a reward for a task, but it's not dutch chocolate flavour
- cruel twist 6: canned food, but no can opener

Anyone got any ideas for tasks?

If at first you don't suceed...

2006-05-06T21:32:00.000+10:00

Besides The Logies, Australian Idol may well be the single most reliable source of pop culture tragedy in this country. And as if the pathetic ‘careers’ of some of the show’s graduates haven’t provided amusement enough, SonyBMG have packaged four of them as the ‘Young Divas’ with a concert tour and single release.

Paulini (Season One – recently released flop single ‘Rough Day’), Ricki-Lee (Season Two – was previously signed to indie label Shock records), Kate DeAraugo (Season Three’s dismal winner) and Emily Williams (Season Three runner-up – hasn’t even released a solo single!) have come together to rehash a camp classic, Donna Summer’s Stock Aiken Waterman penned 1989 hit ‘This Time I Know It’s For Real’.

Besides the fact that they’ve butchered one of my favourite songs, the stench of desperation is what really makes this a notable release. Does the title of the song intentionally refer to the failure of their previous projects?

Apparently the concert will feature the ‘divas’(a rather premature use of a title usually attributed to the likes of Aretha Franklin or Cher) performing “their biggest and best hits”. After that twenty minutes they’ll be “whipping the crowds into a frenzy together … with a hand picked selection of great songs”.

Fifty bucks for an evening of Karaoke? Sounds like fun.

Still at least Cosima Devito is nowhere to be seen. A friend of mine recently saw the Season One Idol finalist (she of the ‘throat nodules’) on a ‘red eye’ flight from Perth to Sydney (that’s the one that departs at 12am and arrives at 6am – usually the cheapest one). Clearly her life is no longer a smorgasbord of hair extensions and recording sessions with Diane Warren. I wonder if her parents, who took out a mortgage to finance her flop debut album, are homeless yet?

UPDATE: 'TTIKIFR' bowed at number 7 on the ARIA chart. Not bad, I suppose. Now let's see if it helps Punani's new single, slated for release this week...

I need to cut my hair

2006-05-06T20:45:00.000+10:00

I'm worried that I might look like this:

Just the style I mean, obviously not the colour.

Yes, I need a haircut.

Got popbitch?

2006-05-05T19:40:00.000+10:00

Apparently, there are still some people in the world not signed up to the Popbitch mailing list.

They therefore weren't emailed this link.

The things I love about this (besides the obvious joy of seeing a young Whitney Houston sing about how bad drugs are) are:

1. It also has Bobby Brown singing in it (as a member of New Edition), not to mention appearances from Ahnuld Schwarzenegger.
2. The people dancing look like they are on ecstacy.
3. The film clip makes taking drugs look and sound kinda cool.
4. The song reminds me very much of Mylo's 'Destroy Rock 'n' Roll' (who's gonna do the mash up?)
5. Two words: Toni Basil.
6. "And Introducing (in her first Rock Video) First Lady Nancy Reagan".

And if Whitney needs some inspiration, she can just reflect on these lyrics:

"Drugs are causing pain and everyone's a loser in this deadly game that's played.
It's insanity. We know that dope is slavery.
And you know we've got to be free..."

UPDATE: Junior Vasquez remixed the Whitney interview into a dance track. Perhaps you can download it. I am of course waiting for it to become legitimately available, but I'm sure it's pretty funny.

Hurrah for populence with a political conscience

2006-05-05T00:35:00.000+10:00

It seems that the Pet Shop Boys have found form again. I've now heard both 'Integral' and 'I'm With Stupid' from their forthcoming Fundamental album, and they are both great. And I'm not saying that just because my favourite website thinks so.

The cute 'n' clever lyrics are back:

"No one understands me
Where I'm coming from
Why would I be with someone
who's obviously so dumb?"

And so is the dance-pop sound they had tried to move away from in recent years. I'm sure Release was a a beautiful little record, but I like my Pet Shop Boys dry and camp thanks very much.

Best of all, they're aiming their snideness at Tony Blair and his ID cards policy for combatting terrorism:

"If you've done nothing wrong
You've got nothing to fear
If you've something to hide
You shouldn't even be here
You've had your chance
Now we've got the mandate
If you've changed your mind
I'm afraid it's too late
We're concerned
You're a threat
You're not integral
To the project "

Stop the presses!

2006-04-29T21:50:00.000+10:00

I'm interviewing Marilyn.

This is craptacular beyond my wildest dreams.

What the fuck..

2006-04-29T14:00:00.000+10:00

is this???

Anyone know more? There are pages for all your blogs too...

So, so weird.

Whii oh Whii?

2006-04-29T13:25:00.000+10:00

Nintendo's new console is going to be called Wii.

It was originally going to be called Revolution, but apparently that is too hard to remember.

This previous name had already been widely publicised. In fact, the Nintendo website actually says that 'Revolution has a new name'.

Supposedly, Wii isn't meant to connote We. I think more of wee, but maybe I'm just infantile. I'm not convinced that Wii connotes togetherness or collectivism (and certainly the latter is an argumnent for 'Revolution' surely?). At best it could suggest wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Still, Revolution was a kick ass name for a console - why the hell change it? And from pictures, it looks more like a Revolution than a urination.

Further to the last post

2006-04-28T21:49:00.000+10:00

This wouldn't load in the last post for some reason.

Say hi to your President for me

2006-04-28T20:44:00.000+10:00

Am I the only one who, upon seeing headings about 'Rove' being in trouble, gets excited and then disappointed when he realises that it's not about Rove McManus but Karl Rove, only to belatedly get excited again upon realising that you do actually hate the latter one more?

Apparently Rove Live has become a ratings disaster of late. So who the hell is going to win this year's Gold Logie?

Natalie Bassingthwaighte?
PROS: She's a cool character and is the only Neighbours person up for it, and should appeal to those likely to vote by text message (a new innovation). Extra points for being in Rogue Traders.
CONS: If Delta can't make Neighbours and a singing career add up to Gold, I'm not sure Natalie can.

Bridie Carter?
PROS: Channel Nine's only real contender (if Bert counts as Channel 10).
CONS: 'Best of a bad bunch' is hardly a winning formula. Won't appeal to anyone who doesn't regularly watch McLeod's Daughters.

Bec Hewitt?
PROS: She'll have psyched herslf up using the 'Balboa' method.
CONS: Glut of Home and Away nominees. Hasn't been on TV all year. Writes the worst poetry this side of student publications. General bint.

Rove McManus?
PROS: Incumbency. He's the safe option. He's not on Home and Away. The sort of person people vote for when they don't actually watch any of the shows from which the nominees come.
CONS: There must be the odd person who has noticed he's a total fucktard by now, and the ratings slide suggests that if he does win Channel 10 might be faced with the embarassing prospect of axing their Gold Logie boy.

Bert Newton?
PROS: Kitsch value - possibly an asset with text voters. He's cool, even if no-one watches his new show.
CONS: Anyone who has seen Bert's Family Feud won't want to encourage Channel Nine to stick with him.

Ada Nicodemou?
PROS: Won Dancing With The Stars, easily the most consistently high rating show on Australian TV. Wog vote is surely worth something.
CONS: DWTS viewers may not be able to compete with younger text-happy fans of other shows. Glut of Home and Away nominees. As my flatmate put it: "She's no Rebekah Elmalogalou".

Kate Ritchie?

PROS: Hahahahahahahahahaha. Um, OK... well the guy in her porn film looked pretty cute. Does he get an award?

CONS: Glut of Home and Away nominees. Glut of her boobies. Glut of her in general. Glut, glut, glut.

John Wood?
PROS: Sentimental favourite (eight million nominations and never a win). People might feel extra sentimental because Blue Heelers has now been axed.
CONS: It didn't get axed for nothing.

My pick:

My gut is telling me that Natalie might get up, but I wouldn't rule out Ada or John. Of course maybe Rove will just win again. If he's finished giving evidence.

Sportingbet reckons I'm way off, at least on Natalie. Maybe she's worth a small bet? Am still kicking myself over the picking-Casey-Donovan-when-she-was-100-to-1 fiasco. Radar is similarly skeptical of the Bassingthwaightemeister.

Super, thanks for asking!

2006-04-25T14:14:00.000+10:00

Rather than wait for shows like Desperate Housewives to finally show here, and annoyed with other forms of downloading, I've been downloading TV shows through the US Itunes Music Store. Maybe I'm a sucker for paying $2.50 ($2US) an episode, but life is too shrt to sepnd time doanloading fake files, and I'm just not skilled at the whole thing. As I've said before, fucking technophobia.

Anyway, through Itunes I've discovered I can watch shows that mylovelyAmericanfriend (MLAF) recommends, and one he showed me an episode of was My Super Sweet Sixteenth, an MTV show about, yep, rich kids having mega parties to celebrate turning 16. Sure the show is probably staged (and the net is full of people defening their friends against the way they were shown on the show - but that doesn't save the people who are still volunteering to be on the show in its third season!), but it is still car crash TV par excellence, the next best thing to Being Bobby Brown.

Most of the Sweet Sixteeners are girls, but all of them are princesses.

Take Cindy. I think she's half Filipina, but perhaps that's just because her mother reminds me of Rose Hancock-Porteous. She has a Cinderella themed party - but sadly sans pumpkin style coach - and hires a dancer to help her recreate the dance scene from Dirty Dancing. She throws out an uninvited guest, threatening to fight in her dress, and she bickers with her mother, who is vicariously living her own unrealised sweet sixteen dreams (in her own white princess dress).

Now meet Bjorn (you pronounce the J as a J not a Y). One of the few males featured on the show, he's a raging pre-homo who has a party in his favourite place - the mall - with its own fashion show. His parents seem delightfully unphased by his ass bandit antics, but all hell breaks loose when there are only 3 corsets for the show and 4 best friends who want to wear them. Bjorn calls himself a 'Divo', or male Diva, and he sure as hell acts it. I do like the customised jacket he shows off at the end though.

Carlyisia (there's a name for you CSH) is the daughter of R'n'B singer Ge rald Levert. I don't know why the hell he let her appear on this show,
but her sweet sixteenth comes to a head with her performance of her first single (after she signs autographed CDs as party invites). Carlysia has a personal assistant. However, she lacks looks and talent. Whilst no-one seems to notice that she's a tad porkier than Beyonce (who she compares herself to), her father does threaten to cancel the performance when her singing practice reveals the likelihood that she'll embarass herself and her family. I think Gerald should have made good on the threat, but you can judge Carlysia's vocal chops for yourself here.

Best of all is Ava, who manages double points by being both a Jewish American Princess AND Persian (as MLAF put it, a PerJAP). Ava goes to Paris to find a dress with her mother, friend and stylist and then complains that she can't find what she wants (her mother refuses to let her buy a dress that is too revealing). Now don't be fooled into thinking that a trip to paris might be her birthday present or anything, because there's a car (which oddly is a Range Rover - maybe she knew in advance that the other kids on this show all seem to get Mercedes) and a $200,000US Arabian Night themed party, complete with handpicked college waterpolo players to lift her sedan chair.

Ava gets herself in a spot of trouble when (at age 15, remember) she runs off to Santa Barbara with her cousin and doesn't tell her Mom. She is outraged when Mom responds by cancelling her credit card, and many tears are shed when she is told she won't be getting a car for her birthday as a result. Luckily, her parents relent just in time for the party.

Of course there is a stern warning: Ava must respect her parents.

"Yeah... That'll definitely happen."

Amusing album of the week

2006-04-25T14:08:00.000+10:00

It seems Ms Loeb actually has a substantial back catalogue, but who can remember anything besides 'Stay'?

OK, I liked 'Do You Sleep', but I'm supposed to remember obscure pop shit...

(And MY haven't I gotten good at this linking to random shit thing?)

Me so pretty

2006-04-25T02:49:00.000+10:00

It seems that anyone who is anyone is copying Queer Penguin with this whole what-celebs-does-my-face-resemble hoo-ha, so here's my top result (68%):

Yep, convincing. Cause having a try-hard(er) version of the hair makes up for my lack of lips, a bum-chin or any other of Ashton's characteristics.

This one makes a little more sense:

There are some pics of my dad that are very Brando-esque, and I'm always getting told I look like him.

Note to self: This is bordering on blogging about yourself. And you HATE that.

I heart the Dixie Chicks

2006-04-25T02:07:00.000+10:00

Not Ready To Make Nice

Forgive, sounds good.
Forget, I'm not sure I could.
They say time heals everything,
But I'm still waiting

I'm through, with doubt,
There's nothing left for me to figure out,
I've paid a price, and i'll keep paying

I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down,
I'm still mad as hell
And I don't have time
To go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is
You think I should

I know you said
Why can't you just get over it,
It turned my whole world around
and i kind of like it

I made by bed, and I sleep like a baby,
With no regrets and I don't mind saying,
It's a sad sad story
That a mother will teach her daughter
That she ought to hate a perfect stranger.
And how in the world
Can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edge
That they'd write me a letter
Saying that I better shut up and sing
Or my life will be over

I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down,
I'm still mad as hell
And I don't have time
To go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is
You think I should

I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down,
I'm still mad as hell
And I don't have time
To go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is
You think I should

Forgive, sounds good.
Forget, I'm not sure I could.
They say time heals everything,
But I'm still waiting

(NB. Despite a probable radio blackout, this song is set to explode on the US charts thanks to paid downloads - it's number two on itunes already).

And speaking of CD covers...

2006-04-23T22:18:00.000+10:00

"Ew," as Miranda Devine would say, "Double ew."

Speaking of Collette...

2006-04-23T22:14:00.000+10:00

This...

...seriously cracks me up.

I actually saw this CD cover in a shop once in about 1992. I swear my mind was warped then and there.

Ding dong, ding dong

2006-04-23T21:53:00.000+10:00

There are very few pictures of oz popster Collette online, despite her career spanning two decades (1989-1990), so this one of her with DJ Maynard will have to do. At least it's been signed with what appears to be red lipstick. Class.

I honestly would not have ordinarily tuned into Where Are They Now (with Mel and 'Kochie', admittedly the best option in the unlikely scenario that I'm watching TV at 9am or so) deliberately, but when you channel flick and see something about Diff'rent Strokes, one can surely be forgiven for watching for a while.

After I was regaled with the new life of Todd Bridges, who helps kids say NO to drugs (I wonder if he should be sent in to talk to Bobbi Kristina Brown-Houston?), I was tantalised by the promise that I'd be told what has become of the first Aussie dance diva*, she of 'Ring My Bell' and 'All I Wanna Do Is Dance' fame (and of 'Who Do You Think You Are' obscurity).

And boy was I told! Well, actually I didn' really find out anything I didn' already know, except that she is now a volunteer at Taronga Zoo (and conveniently they have a great student special on at the moment) when she's taking a break from her 'career' in 'hair and makeup' (that bit I already knew about).

Of course it wasn't as exciting as last year when I saw her perform at 'Retrosexual' at ARQ and she danced right up against me and gave me the mic THREE times (that's right, count 'em! I was clearly her favourite audience member, and NO I wasn't the only person there), but you've gotta love that they bothered with her.

I also loved that they called her a one hit wonder - so much for 'All I Wanna Do Is Dance', which almost went top ten (and which she co-wrote: sample lyric - "All I wanna do is dance / Dance, yeah dance / All I wanna do / All I wanna do / All I wanna do is dance") and for her 'Raze the Roof' album!

Still she's an icon for me, and if Melissa Tkautz can make a new album, then Collette shouldn't give up all hope.

*Think about it - she was.

(NB. Bad33d - can you leave a link for your pics of that lovely night at ARQ? Cheers)

Mix CD Time

2006-04-23T00:27:00.000+10:00

I feel hopelessly inadequate whenever I see details of a mix tape on dolediary (see links on right, I still can't get that whole link in text thing happening. Fucking technophobia!). However, I haven't owned a tape deck in some years, and it's not a technology I'm convinced about the retro appeal of (despite my awesome collection of cassingles - Snap! anyone?), so it seems a mix CD is all you're gonna get.

I might even burn a few copies for anyone who requests it, but I'm also currently lacking in graphic design software, so don't expect much in the way of a cover.

I think I'm gonna do two CDs, one of newish stuff and one of poptaculosity 'classics'.

Some probable inclusions:

Robyn - 'Be Mine'
Paris Hilton (allegedly) - 'Screwed'
Rachel Stevens - 'Negotiate With Love'
Bananarama - 'Lovebite'
(C)harlot(te) Church - 'Call My Name'
Girls Aloud - 'Models'
William Shatner - 'Common People'
Bertie Blackman - 'Television' (Remix)
Annie - 'Greatest Hit'
Lindsay Lohan - 'Confessions of a Broken Heart (Daughter to Father)' (Remix Edit)
Freezepop - 'I Am Not Your Gameboy'
Sugababes - 'Red Dress'
Mylo feat. Miami Sound Machine - 'Dr Pressure'
Pleasure feat. Justine Frischmann - 'Don't Look the Other Way'
Pet Shop Boys - 'I'm With Stupid'
Eurythmics - 'Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)' (Steve Angelo Bootleg)
Kylie Minogue - 'Made of Glass'
Melissa Tkautz - 'The Glamorous Life'
Wigwam - 'Wigwam'

Girls Aloud - 'The Show'
Spice Girls - 'Wannabe' (Vocal Slam Mix)
Cyndi Lauper - 'Hole In My Heart (All the Way to China)'
Dolly Parton - '9 to 5' (Almighty Mix)
Noeline Donaher - 'No Regrets'
O-Zone - 'Dragostea Din Tei'
Madasun - 'Don't You Worry'
Sunscreem - 'Love U More'
Dream - 'He Loves You Not'
Emma Bunton - 'Crickets Sing For Anamaria'
Liza Minnelli - 'Don't Drop Bombs'
Bananarama - 'Love In The First Degree'
JC Chasez - 'All Day Long I Dream About Sex'
Opus III - 'It's a Fine Day'
Lindsay Lohan - 'Rumours'
Sugababes - 'Freak Like Me'
Divine - 'You Think You're a Man'
Dannii - 'Disremembrance'
Army of Lovers - 'Crucified'
Anjeza Shahini - 'The Image of You' (Eurovision 2004 - Albania)
Collette - 'Who Do You Think You Are'
Betty Boo - 'Where Are You Baby?'

OK, so my defintion of 'classics' basically is 'anything I'm currently enjoying that I can't possibly pass off as 'new' (for instance, Lindsay Lohan's 'Rumours' is newer than the Pleasure song, but hardly anyone has heard of Pleasure and I have another newer Lindsay song I like anyway), but what the hey, it's my mix.

Any suggestions?

I am disrespectful to dirt!

2006-04-20T00:27:00.000+10:00

I kept wondering why I was getting stared at today.

After a while I realised that it was my "Mr Sparkle" Simpsons t-shirt. (The episode where the Simpsons go to Japan after seeing what appears to be Homer's face on a detergent box, but then it turns out to be a coincidence)

This has happened before - it's a pretty cool t-shirt (and bought OS, so I don't tend to see anyone else with one) - but not to the same extent.

Then someone I know commented, and told me that the episode was on last night. Then two more people said the same thing.

How many people still lap up every repeat of The Simpsons that Channel 10 serves up? No wonder they're cocky about their youth demographic!

Change one letter in this title..

2006-04-18T00:14:00.000+10:00

"Souths Blow Big Lead"

I misread the above article title on smh.com.au and the picture seemed to go well with my misreading. `

I almost even read the story!

http://www.smh.com.au/news/league/souths-blow-big-lead/2006/04/17/1145126049780.html

Thank god for research...

2006-04-14T18:36:00.000+10:00

Young people who adopt the "Goth" lifestyle of dark clothes and introspective music are more likely to commit self-harm or attempt suicide than other youngsters, a Scottish study has found.

(story at: http://www.smh.com.au/news/world/goths-more-at-risk-study/2006/04/14/1144521497560.html)

In other news, a study has shown that men who adopt the "Gay" lifestyle are more likely to get fucked up the arse.

i want to hear you tell me you don't want my love

2006-04-10T02:19:00.000+10:00

I've been listening a lot to Jose Gonzalez's version of 'Hand On My Heart'.

It was always my favourite Kylie song, and perhaps favourite Stock-Aiken-Waterman song too (but there's 'This Time I Know It's For Real' and 'I'd Rather Jack' to consider too), but I'm not sure I knew why until I heard it slowed down and sung tenderly, longingly.

It seems like a clever pop cover version is becoming de rigeur for alt-folk singer-songwriter types, but this one is more than a novelty. It's a tribute to human expression - even a songwriting machine can produce something beautiful.

'Hand On Your Heart':

Well it's one thing to fall in love
But another to make it last
I thought that we were just begining
But now you say we're in the past

Look me in the eye and tell me we are really through

You know it's one thing to say you love me
But another to mean it from the heart
And if you don't intend to see it through, why did we ever start?

I want to hear you tell me you don't want my love

Put your hand on your heart and tell me it's all over
I won't believe it till you put your hand on your heart and tell me that we're through

Put your hand on your heart

They like to talk about forever
Most people never get the chance
Do you wanna lose our love together?
Do you find a new romance?

I want hear you tell me you don't want my love

Put your hand on your heart and tell me it's all over
I won't believe it till you put your hand on your heart and tell me that we're through

Put your hand on your heart
Hand on your heart

Look me in the eye and tell me we are really through

Cry_Wolf

2006-04-10T00:14:00.000+10:00

Not_Bad.

a lyric that struck me

2006-01-20T20:32:00.000+11:00

From "Television" (from the Television EP) by Bertie Blackman:

I watch TV just like everyone
And you read magazines like everyone
And truth seems to be defined in every pop song
And love, I know it hurts you
And sure, it hurts me too.

Sums up my life really!

sometimes it's just easier to laugh...

2006-01-13T15:04:00.000+11:00

From the SMH (in article about Brokeback Mountain not screening in far north Queensland):

Federal MP Bob Katter, whose Kennedy electorate in north Queensland takes in industries such as sugar cane, cattle, sheep and dairy farming, was unconcerned.
"Maybe there are some (gay cowboys) out there but I've never heard of 'em," he said.
"I mean, it's not a profession that attracts those sort of people."

Really, what else can you do but have a chuckle?

And by the way, why has not one single article mentioned Heath Ledger's previous gay role, as Snowy the cyclist in the short-lived TV drama Sweat (set at the Australian institute of Sport). I used to watch it semi-religiously (to almost quote Ghost World). Snowy was HOT.

After rewatching 10 Things I Hate About You (which is good, almost Clueless good) I've decided I like my Heath blonde. Just like Snowy.

In unrelated news, I just got season 3 of The Golden Girls. There are gonna be some late nights in my house.

an open letter to peter jackson

2006-01-09T01:20:00.000+11:00

Dear Mr Jackson,

I write to you as a long time admirer of your work who has just had the mind numbing experience of sitting through all 188 minutes (well, 185 of them, I took a bathroom break) of King Kong.

I must humbly request that you return to me no less than 100 of those aforementioned minutes.

Allow me to assure you that I am not a person who could be accused of not appreciating your vision as a director. Meet the Feebles is my favourite film, and Heavenly Creatures is a film I believe deserved to be showered in awards. I also felt that your early shlock horror was marvellous.

Whilst I can't honestly pretend I am a huge LOTR fan, I can appreciate your artistry and skill there. So few fantasy fans could find anything negative to say - quite an achievement in and of itself.

Clearly, those films could justifably run for three hours plus each, but it does seem as though you've developed a belief that this is a normal running length, rather than an exception which should be carefully employed when absolutely necessary.

King Kong is proof positive of this principle.

Did it need such a lengthy introduction? No. The multiple dinosaur stampede fights (each of which was at leats twice as long as it needed to be)? No. The pointless subplots with the characters no-one gave a shit about (with their somewhat cloyingly unrealistic inter-racial subtexts). No.

Basically, you could have gotten the film down to two hours and not left much out. Thirty minutes to get to the island. Forty on the island and Fifty in New York (the last third of the film being admittedly rather decent). You could have kept - and indeed better highlighted - the relationship between woman and ape and still used all your favourite SFX (which weren't that crash hot frankly - I thought ten years from Jurassic Park things might have improved a tad more) and still had a bit of social commentary about depression era America etc etc but I wouldn't have been left with a numb arse and a distinct feeling that maybe I missed out on something that really mattered in that time.

I think King Kong also needed some script revision and better blue screen usage, but it really might have been a good film regardless if it hadn't chewed up so much more of my life than it should have.

My time is worth at least $30AU an hour. Since we are old friends (I know all the words to 'Sodomy' from Meet the Feebles and have done more to promote your early work than anyone not actually on the payroll for them), I will charge you my discounted rate of $20AU/hr for one and a half hours (less than the 100 mins previous mentioned).

As such, I feel you should pay me the amount of $30AU at your earliest convenience.

I wish you all the best for the future and volunteer my editing assistance (at the above discounted rate even) with your next motion picture endeavour.

Yours sincerely,

Weasel

the song of summer

2006-01-08T17:47:00.000+11:00

A real post! I've got a few in my head and 'Weasel' might be returning to the print world soon, so here's hoping this blog will get back on track for this glorious new year.

So I finally heard Madonna's 'Hung Up' in a club context the other night. Yes, I know, I've been a homebody. It wasn't actually the first time, but it was the first time I really soaked it in.

It was a lone spot of glorious pop kitsch in a sea of pedestrian (OK, that's a tad harsh, let's go with good-but-not-life-changing) electro and house. Hands were promptly raised in the air. Booty was shaking like the owners of it just didn't care. People were being silly again.

'Hung Up' has of course been Madge's biggest hit in ages. It topped the charts here, and would still be in the top 3 I'd say if our charts incorporated digital paid downloads like the US and UKcharts (since the song hasn't really left the top 2 spots on Itunes since its release) - ARIA: when is this going to be rectified??

In the US, where the charts are heavily dominated by airplay (and thus by R'n'B and Adult Contemporary, in that order), 'Hung Up' made number 7 - quite a feat for what, in US terms is very much a dance single. In the UK, it is back at number 2, rebounding on the strength of all those peeps who got itunes gift cards for Xmas.

But charts be damned. The song is lighting up the clubs. It's the perfect addition to what a friend an I already agreed is 2006's must have accessory: FUN. 'Hung Up' sets the tone for a year that will be infinitely better than the one that preceded it.

I admit I'm behind the times here. Somehow I wanted more than a ABBA-tinged dance ditty with some slightly questionable lyrics (when does self-referencing stop being pomo and start being tired??) from the much hyped Madonna comeback album. I wanted Confessions On a Dance Floor to be, well, confessional.

Sure, as academic commentator (now published - email me if you know me and want the online journal link) on Madonna, I've been enjoying her reinvestment in the 'take me to the centre of everything' (my honours thesis title - what Madge supposedly said to a taxi driver upon arriving in NY as a fresh faced dance student with big dreams) mythology of her early years, but I wanted this album to be Ray of Light esque, not just a better version of American Life or Music.

But Madonna (and let's not forget a certain Mr Stuart Price, the man who The Guardian said "made the Scissor Sisters sound even more gay, a remarkable feat"*) knew better. A cynic might say she saw Gwen Stefani kicking arse with some 80s inspired grooves and said 'me too', and, yes, I am that cynic. But on the other hand, she did what she did best and tapped into the zeitgeist.

There are other songs I like better on COAD, in theory at least, but 'Hung Up' is truly its knockout punch. As long as you can make a knockout punch in a sequinned glove, anyway.

*http://www.guardian.co.uk/filmandmusic/story/0,16373,1639153,00.html (someone teach me how to do links properly, OK??)

the landslide brought me down

2005-11-13T01:25:00.000+11:00

Well, its been a while. This is both my way of saying that I've been busy with a 'landslide' of stuff to do, and a poignant lyric that has been haunting me of late. Shamefully, though, I don't have a copy of the original song, just covers by the Dixie Chicks and Tori Amos.

I took my love and I took it down
I climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love
Can the child within my heart rise above
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life

Well, I've been afraid of changing 'cause I built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
I'm getting older too
Well...

Well, I've been afraid of changing 'cause I built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
I'm getting older, too
Well I'm getting older too

So, take this love and take it down
Yeah and if you climb a mountain and ya turn around
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well the landslide brought me down

And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well maybe, maybe, maybe
The landslide will bring you down

loser of the week part five

2005-07-26T23:59:00.000+10:00

LOSER OF THE WEEK

If writing this column has taught me anything, it is that there is no one so tragic as a minor celebrity whose dubious stardom is largely dependent on another with whom they are associated. Bobby Brown is of course a sterling example and several other Losers of the Week have side-kicks (Haylie Duff, Katie Holmes, Jackie O etc) who might well be judged the greater loser, all things considered. This week’s awardee, however, might be said to be the Patron Saint of Parasitic Celebrity. I’m talking about the least talented member of pop music’s most famous family (not counting the couple who actually have never recorded anything): La Toya Jackson.

La Toya, or ‘Toy’ as she recently rebranded herself (since DJs were unlikely to play records knowing they were by her) has many attributes that make her a classic celebrity Loser. She’s had so much surgery that awfulplasticsurgery.com can’t locate a picture of her that predates rhinoplasty, and she boasts a tan to make Donatella Versace look pale. She’s appeared in a Playboy spread (scarily enough, one of the highest selling editions ever), hosted a psychic hotline (which she now admits was phoney – surprise!) and gotten herself into severe debt after reneging on a contract with a venue that was actually foolhardy enough to want to book her for a year.

What really makes La Toya Jackson such an overwhelmingly worthy winner of Loser of the Week, however, is her blatant hypocrisy. If bitching to anyone will listen about her family will get her some attention, then La Toya has plenty of tales to tell. Her autobiography Growing Up in The Jackson Family accused her father of abuse. Later she ventured her opinion that the allegations against Michael were true.

None of this ill-feeling was anywhere to be seen during the trial, however. Indeed, a much reported image is of a member of the Jackson family rolling down a limo window to wave triumphantly at fans and press immediately after the not guilty verdict was handed down. Unsurprisingly, it was the Jackson with a new album to promote. As her official website so tastefully states: “This means that I am not the only person 'Startin' Over' - Michael is now STARTING OVER as well.”

Bet you can’t guess what her album is called…

weasel part two

2005-07-26T23:48:00.000+10:00

Well, haven't I been slack! This column may be the last weasel, as the editor of the mag it appears in has left. A waiting to see if I get asked to keep it going by her successor, but who knows...

(again, forgive caps...)

_________________________________________________________

WEASEL: POP WITH BITE

There is something reassuring about the revival of MARIAH CAREY’S chart fortunes, even if her music is the same tiresome MOR R’n’B-Lite it always was. Perhaps it’s just that, with her career spanning from her 1989 self titled debut, her presence at the top of the charts (with ‘We Belong Together’, which has created a new record for most spins on US radio in one week and the atrociously named album ‘The Emancipation of Mimi’ which has cleared a good three million copies in the US and is a bonafide hit the world around) makes me feel somehow younger.

Apparently, though, terrorists are to blame for Mariah’s former woes. “‘Glitter’ was ahead of its time – today it's 'in' to make 80's music," Carey told mariahdaily.com, adding: "But the timing was bad - I released it around September 11, 2001. The talk shows needed something to distract from 9/11. I became a punching bag. I was so successful that they tore me down because my album was at number 2 instead of number 1." If the attacks on London didn’t have you cursing Al Qaeda, surely this miscarriage of justice will. I bet Osama Bin Laden personally intervened to make ‘Glitter’ the worst film ever made (OK, second after MADONNA’S ‘Swept Away’) and thus ensure its soundtrack tanked. Fiendish.

Closer to home, former BARDOT figurine TIFFANI WOOD is blaming a more conventional fiend for the failure of her last solo effort (’What RU Waiting For’ – which her website nonetheless refers to as “SO inspiring”). Yep, she’s breaking out the good old ‘my nasty record company tried to mould me into something I’m not’ excuse. However, unlike fellow whiner KELLY OSBOURNE (whose disturbingly titled second album ‘Sleeping In The Nothing’ was largely co-written with P!NK and CHRISTINA AGUILERA song-writer Linda Perry) she at least had the decency to emerge on an independent label with her rock-infused new single ‘Devil In Your Soul’ (which is “about what happens in the music industry when trying to be someone you're not”). Of course, a cynic might say that her new found indie status isn’t simply the influence of her flatmate, Idol star CHANEL ‘Ricki-Lee got a single out so what about me’ COLE, but a lack of other options. Still, what really matters is the music. And yes, it’s shit. Sample lyric: “Headlines appear, you’re the next big thing / Keepin' the glory for yourself cause you sucked 'em in.”

Still, no one can quite challenge GERI HALLIWELL for the title of most tragically washed up former girl band ‘singer’. Her new album, ‘Passion’, which has inexplicably garnered a release in Australia, has proven as popular in the UK as dressing on VICTORIA BECKHAM’S salad (her anniversary meal in Singapore recently apparently consisted of steamed lobster, salad and a slice of pineapple for dessert, with a directive to staff that there be no “oil, fat or butter in my food"). ‘Passion’ sold a meagre five thousand copies in its first week in Britain and I’m guessing it’s sold at least three or four more here. She only has to clear another 140,000 to match the UK sales of the less successful of her previous albums (2002’s ‘Scream If You Wanna Go Faster’), and I’m sure the album will rebound after having dropped out of the top 100 in its second week. Just like I’m sure KEVIN FEDERLINE will get up to change nappies in the middle of the night.

Not to worry. I’m sure Geri can blame it all on a global terrorist conspiracy. Or MEL B. Whatever.

loser of the week part four

2005-07-14T10:32:00.000+10:00

It seems that this column might actually have some sort of following. The mag it appears in told me that they had a competition which required readers to send in their favourite article and that most of the entries sent in copies of Loser of the Week. Of course, since it was the one about Kyle Sandilands, I'm thinking maybe hatred for the subject had a little bit to do with it...

__________________________________

LOSER OF THE WEEK

“Everybody’s talking all this stuff about me, why won’t they just let me live?” asked Bobby Brown on his break-out hit ‘My Prerogative’. Not content with the publicity that has surrounded his decade-plus marriage to pop queen Whitney Houston, the former New Edition band member and briefly successful solo star, has become another victim of this year’s most devastating illness: the Celebrity Reality TV Show Bug. The symptoms of this illness include delusion, shaky camera-work and frantic self-justification.

Naturally, the critics are raving! The bile reserved for Being Bobby Brown seems extraordinary given the competition it has in the vying for the prize of ‘Top Thing To Shoot The Osbournes For’ from Britney and Kevin: Chaotic, Chasing Farrah and Kelly Osbourne’s second album. One critic called it “undoubtedly the most disgusting and execrable series ever to ooze its way onto television”, and another suggested it “almost makes Britney and Kevin's show look deep and revealing”.

Yes, even Britney Spears’ freeloading ‘love rat’ of a husband can look down on Bobby, who in recent years has managed arrests for child support avoidance, drunk driving, assault, and for abusing Houston, who herself cops a serve from commentators for her role in this schmozzle. “Houston seems to enjoy a love-hate relationship with the rest of the world,” notes the Boston Herald’s Mark A. Perigard, “She loves herself and hates the world.”

It is hard to understand why Brown wants to expose the world to his charming behaviour (such as asking Houston “Do you think I can impregnate you tonight?" within ear-shot of their twelve year old daughter), but besides the obvious blinding egotism (this is a man who has a son called Bobby Jnr and a daughter called Bobbi Kristina), another motivation was revealed by Brown himself, who said in an interview that the presence of cameras was helping him avoid drugs. Within a few days of that interview, members of his posse were stabbed in a fight at an Atlanta restaurant, and the following week a judge issued an arrest warrant after Brown skipped a child support hearing.

As he once said in song (‘Don’t Be Cruel’), “You just keep on actin' just like a fool / You know it ain't cool.” Bobby Brown is more than a fool, he’s Loser of the Week.

loser of the week part three (and a bit of what I thought of revenge of the sith)

2005-07-06T03:12:00.000+10:00

Hmm, I tried to do something a little different here. Not sure it really worked, but I like the idea behind it at least.

_____________________________________

LOSER OF THE WEEK

Revenge of the Sith, which I finally saw after therapy to erase my memories of the horror that was Attack of the Clones, was much as I expected, with FX that started to annoy more than impress, and acting that made me view group devised experimental theatre with relative sympathy. However, this is not a StarWars review, and it was not the movie in isolation that got me thinking, but reading the details of the revelations in Mark Latham’s new book when I got home.

As a friend observed, Loner becomes Loser quite easily, and as I read over the snippets of Latham’s attacks on Kim Beazley, Bob Carr, Peter Beattie and the ALP in general, I couldn’t help thinking of the scene where the newly anointed Lord Vader lies limbless and screaming next to a volcanic pit. Just as Vader supposedly betrayed the Jedis for the sake of his family, Latham supposedly quit as ALP leader because he wanted to preserve his health for the sake of his family, but Latham’s eagerness to spill his guts with a book deal as soon as possible suggests that he too was tempted by the sheer pull of the dark side.

This is not to say that none of Latham’s criticisms are valid, of course, but I do think I’d find him less repulsive if he didn’t try and hold the moral high ground about the party being “run by conservative machine men”, when he was so clearly one of them himself. For all Latham’s posturing about his intellect and new ideas, he was a Labor hack through and through and is totally deserving of the distaste, or, better still, disinterest, his book will be greeted with.

At least Darth Vader comes out of it all with a snappy outfit. Mark Latham, you couldn’t be more deserving of being Loser of the Week if you were being played on screen by Hayden Christensen.

how left wing am I?

2005-07-06T03:08:00.000+10:00

I am:
1%
Republican.

"You're a complete liberal, utterly without a trace of Republicanism. Your strength is as the strength of ten because your heart is pure. (You hope.)"

Are You A Republican?

Now you know my terrible bias...

[http://paulkienitz.net/republican.html]

batman begins

2005-07-01T05:53:00.000+10:00

It's been quite a blockbuster movie-going week for me this week. After Star Wars came the Batman prequel, which was similarly silly in dialogue (especially if you imagined Katie Holmes' lines being directed at Tom Cruise instead of Christian Bale) but somewhat more enjoyable in general.

What I really liked was the way it neatly lined up with the first Batman film (well, of the previous cycle - there wasn't a lot in common with the campy Sixties version), both in terms of plot (I won't elaborate, since there may be those amongst you who have yet to see this who actually want to, unlike StarWars) and in terms of the very Michael Keaton esque performance Bale gives. I really enjoyed him as Batman, but I did find it hard to believe that he and Homes (who was also decent, despite that annoying half-her-face-collapsing facial tic she has when she smiles) were close in age (as they were shown as kids who were at most 2 years apart). Of course I was then surprised to find out that doe-eyed Holmes is actually 26 and Bale a mere 31 (he looks more like 35, albeit a sexy 35).

I also liked the overall darkness of the film - it was far more Tim Burton-esque than Joel Schumacher-esque, at any rate. I look forward to seeing what they actually do with the enxt installment (which we all know is coming) - a remake of the 1989 film? A fast forward to after Batman and Robin (did anyone else notice the cameo appearance of the small child who is obviously lined up to become Robin? Sorry, but its only a small spolier, I promise)?

Others have said that the 911 symbolism in the film (yes, it is there in a big way) was especially tired, but I actually thought it played on the question of whether Gotham is New York (if my memory serves me rightly, Batman was actually set in New York originally... I shall ask my Batman-obsessed English postgraduate friend for a more in depth analysis) rather well. Admittedly, the centrality of Wayne Tower and its targetting by the terrorists intent on the destruction of corrupt Western civilisation was a bit irritating, but with War of The Worlds (join the boycott!!) coming, we had better get used to it. There no longer is sucha thing as an action-adventure film which doesn't reference September Eleven. How would the filmmakers avoid it even if they wanted to?

Lastly, I'd just like to note that seeing Batman Begins right after Star Wars is all the more amusing for the fact that Yoda tells Obi-Wan that Qui-Gon, his own Jedi master, has found a form of immortality. With Liam Neeson in essentially the same role at the beginning of Batman, it seems he has found, if not immortality, then a new franchise at the very least.

other people's blogs (or, the wisdom of kelly clarkson)

2005-06-29T18:20:00.000+10:00

It seems that, despite my own assertion that I shan't blog about my own life, I am becoming increasingly addicted to reading other people's blogs about their lives. The more day-to-day the better, provided they can write and have a bit of darkness in their lives. Nothing is so dull as other people's happiness, unless it's Mariah Carey's (for some reason I am finding her resurgence gives me joy, despite having always hated her music - well, at least since I came to my senses from Music Box onwards, but I was all of eleven when I asked for a copy of her first album, and, hey, 'Make It Happen', my last Mariah purchase, is a great song). Of course, this could just be because I feel younger somehow if Mariah is still topping the charts.

This is not to say that I take pleasure in the sadness of others, as such. Merely a little comfort. It's nice to know that other people have similar responses to the pain in their lives - anything is better than feeling like you are the only one.

Also, I have gained a new appreciation for some particular pop songs. A certain blogger (who knows who he is) has been having a tough time in the personal life stakes, and mentions Kelly Clarkson as a source of inspiration.

I reviewed her latest album a while ago, finding it compared unfavourably with Idol related debuts by Fantasia and Casey Donovan (I stand by my assessment that For You is actually surprisingly decent, by the way), and I am not about to back down from the two stars I deemed it worthy of, but I will admit that my assessment of 'Since U Been Gone' ("the worst lyrics of any pop hit this year") needs some revision.

You see, Kelly's wisdom is not in the lyrics thesmelves per se, but in the way they match the beats so perfectly. The other day in the gym I almost screamed out the chorus, but sanity prevailed... just.

Since you been gone
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so movin' on, yeah yeah
Thanks to you, now I get what I want
Since you been gone

OK, the lyrics are terrible, but I threw my head around (on the excercise bike) with abandon in a way that the most nuanced Tori heartbreak song (current favourite 'Your Cloud': "do you think, just like that, you can divide this? You as yours, me as mine, to before we were us?") will never provoke. It's pop catharsis at its very best, headbanger-pop even.]

But wait, there's more. 'Behind Hazel Eyes', which naturally works somewhat better if you do (as I do) have hazel eyes:

I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside

Pretty standard stuff, I'll grant, but it's building on 'Since U Been Gone', giving the shattered, hopeless side of the former song's defiant optimism. I especially like "Now all that's left of me / Is what I pretend to be."

The chorus is less good, but I do like the fact that hazel eyes are getting some airtime, as blue, green and big brown eyes usually hog all the attention. Perhaps Kelly (or her songwriters) realise that there are many hazel-eyed types out there (and let's face is, lots of bi-eye colour types list themselves as hazelly brown or hazel-green, as is my tendency).

Between these two songs, the two extremes of post-break-up emotions are covered really rather neatly. And the least appreciated eye colouring is getting some well deserved props. Kelly Clarkson, I salute you (and your - Swedish? - songwriters).

if there's any justice in the world...

2005-06-28T18:20:00.000+10:00

...then 'If There's Any Justice' by Lemar ("Can you spell Lemur, Maggie? Lee-Murr...") would have been a huge hit, but alas it was not to be.

On the bright side, though, justice has been served with the ratings failure of the US version of The Office. It's already been axed, and replaced by repeats of Everybody Loves Raymond (OK, so that part is less good, but it's kind of like the ultimate Channel Ten punishment).

And, with thanks one more to the trusty SMH, it seems that justice is on Paula Abdul's mind, as she lobbies the Californian legislature to introduce a bill that would "establish safety standards for manicure and pedicure equipment and rewrite state regulations directing nail shops to follow sanitary practices."

It seems Paula was left in horrific pain by a bad manicure and now seeks to spare others the same fate.

And people call Bob Geldof a saint...

more charlotte hilarity

2005-06-28T06:15:00.001+10:00

This one is just cruel:

http://www.pugbus.net/artman/publish/06262005_churchlist.shtml

the new diva?

2005-06-28T02:03:00.000+10:00

I had high hopes for Lindsay Lohan. Mean Girls was ace, and Freaky Friday was as good as that kind of thing could ever be (although kudos there too to Jamie-Lee Curtis). Her first single was so good, with it's great pop rhythm, teasing bits of autobiography and eighties-niteclub style video. She was friends with Paris Hilton and co, but clearly in a backstabbing Mean Girls kind of a way.

She was clearly the hot alternative to Hilary Duff. Sassier, spicier, bitchier. Disney (officially) but not. And if she covered 'Material Girl' I'd have coped a lot better.

And then she turned to shit.

I haven't, I'll admit, seen Herbie: Fully Loaded, but its clearly a mistake for her. And the second single from her album was boring, as, I'm told, was the rest of it. And she's gotten far too thin, and gone blonde. None of this pleases me.

So, with Britney a write-off and Lindsay a disappointment, the time has come to choose a new diva.

Charlotte Church is hereby declared the front-runner. Why? Well, her single 'Crazy Chick' (sample lyric: "I think I’m gonna need some therapy / Oh boy I hope you got a PhD”) is pretty damn good (like early Sugababes - before they ditched the sour faced redhead or, alternatively, before Siobahn Donahy left the band to pursue 'other opportunities', namely failure) and advance word on her album is good too.

Best of all, she's a total slapper: she's a classical prodigy who wants a pop career; she's got a bastard ex who spilt details about hers ex life to the tabloids; and she's got a temper! Lastly, she likes buying her way out of problems. Shame that this then gets reported and ensures the problems get even worse.

[More info: http://www.people.co.uk/news/tm_objectid=15666638&method=full&siteid=55768&headline=voice-of-a-hell-s-angel--name_page.html]

She's like all five Girls Aloud rolled into one.

I can't wait to hear the album. Maybe she can make a movie too... I wonder if that movie version of The Basic Eight (best book EVER) ever got green lighted...

thoughts right now...

2005-06-27T22:46:00.000+10:00

[NB: Any references that seem bizarre e.g. 'a sorta mission statement (here with you)' or 'thoughts right now' are probably Tori Amos related. They could also be from The Simpsons or Absolutely Fabulous, but those are assumed knowledge.]

Anyway, thoughts right now:

1. 'Love, Thy Will Be Done' (by Martika) is one heck of a song, and I must invest in a copy of Martika's Kitchen as soon as possible. The Prince-penned title track will be a bonus. Of course, I have the song on bloody cassingle (as well as 'Martika's Kitchen' and 'Coloured Kisses'), but what bloody good is that to me now? The song does have rather suspiciously religious imagery, but my care factor is set to low on that one. If I can get into Tori's The Beekeeper despite its being based on The Gospel of Mary Magdalene, then I can choose to interpret lyrics such as "Love thy will be mine, and make me strive for the glorious and divine" in a secular light.

2. Despite my best intentions, I have, it would seem, been sucked in by series 5 of Big Brother. I realised this was the case when Geneva was evicted last night, and I sort of cared. Not much, admittedly, but enough to realise that I am no longer simply keeping track of it (mostly through the website, much more bearable than the show) just because I feel it is required of me as a (wannabe) pop culture comentator. This became even more apparent today when I realised that Glenn (the sheep-shearing misogynist) was up for eviction. The website says that a vast majority of people think he is going to be voted off. This gave me a small degree of joy. Shit.

3. I need to get around to writing an appreciation of Lisa Simpson. This though occured to me when watching the epsiode recently where Homer and Ned Flanders become friends (Homer Loves Flanders - from Season Five, my favourite season). There are so many reasons to love her, but her little tendency towards postmodernism was the feature being highlighted in that episode:

(Bart expresses concern at the apparent friendship between Homer and Flanders)

Lisa: Don't worry, Bart. It seems like every week something odd happens to the Simpsons. My advice is to ride it out, make the occasional smart-alec quip, and by next week we'll be back to where we started from, ready for another wacky adventure.
Bart: Ay, caramba!
Lisa: That's the spirit.)

and then later...

Bart: I don't get it, Lis. You said everything would be back to normal, but Homer and Flanders are still friends.
Lisa: Yeah. Maybe this means the end of our wacky adventures.

Gold. Pure gold.

4. I need - more urgently - to work on my thesis and the journal article I'm trying to write. Anyone with thoughts on 'pornobiography' should get in contact. (NB. both are pop culture related so this isn't about me... gee, I'm having a tough time of this whole not writing about my life thing aren't I?)

loser of the week part two

2005-06-27T22:21:00.000+10:00

Another column. I hope this doesn't get me sued.

LOSER OF THE WEEK

Radio ratings aren’t something I usually would take any interest in, but finding out that Kyle and Jackie O had fallen significantly behind in their breakfast radio ratings war gave me something to smile about. Sure, Nova’s Merrick and Rosso (who increased their popularity at the expense of the 2Day FM pair) are hardly my idea of wit and sophistication, but the idea of that grinning arsehole suffering a set back is some mild compensation for the prospect of having to endure him on my TV screen when Australian Idol starts again.

Whether being a homophobic jerk (both in outing a teenage staffer and his constant on-air gay jokes, thinly disguised with an air of ‘not that there’s anything wrong with that’), threatening to ‘bury’ Frenzal Rhomb (whose career has for so long benefited from 2Day FM’s support!) or releasing the year’s worst assault on our ears, the single ‘Ooh Aah’ by his girlfriend, ex-Scandal’Us ‘star’ Tamara Jaber, on his King Kyle record label, Kyle Sandilands is truly a fucktard of the lowest order. Recalling his appearance on Celebrity Big Brother makes me think of this year’s regular housemates with a degree of warmth.

Worst of all, he has always been something of a hollow clone of his 2Day predecessor, Ugly Phil O’Neil, substituting brattish behaviour and lame innuendo for O’Neil’s somewhat more interesting take on being a radio bad boy. And now Kyle is trying to fill the shoes of my beloved Dicko. Whilst advance word suggests that Sandilands hasn’t modelled himself on Idol’s favourite judge, its going to be a painful adjustment nonetheless. For making me all the more certain that there is no life after Desperate Housewives, Kyle Sandilands is hereby declared Loser of the Week.

i don't see dead people

2005-06-27T21:58:00.000+10:00

I went on a ghost tour on Friday night. Whilst discussing it might be pushing the boundary of 'pop culture' somewhat and might teeter on autobiography, I feel I must ask the following:

Why are the only people who 'sense' ghosts invariably obese?

I'm not one to diss the chubbies of the world usually, but there did seem to be a bizarre correlation between weightyness and psychic ability. There were at least three such people on this tour, who would regale us with tales of their previous experiences with ghosts (e.g. the woman who had a ghost come home with her, which she knew because her car radio was working unexpectedly and then a hat fell on the floor in a room with no wind). They would also get spooked by their 'sensing' of spirits and say that they wouldn't wish them on other people. Which is obviously why they were coming on the tour for their third and fourth times.

Needless to say, I didn't see or feel any ghostly presences. At one point, I tried to talk myself into it and imagined a small boy. The guide then told us that the room we were in had several reports of a small girl being seen. Close then, but no cigar. I think my 'feeling' of a small boy owed much to spatial dynamics - the room had lots of little nooks where a child could curl up and that made me think of a kid. Or maybe my psychic abilities just need some fine tuning...

The historical nature of the site was significantly more interesting than the ghost stories (especially as ours were told by a totally cynical guide... actually I really liked him). It was the old quarantine station at Manly. There is a great history thesis waiting to be written (if it hasn't already been done) about the construction of illness etc etc through the space. A bit of room for analysis of race (the 'Asiatic quarters' were naturally somewhat bleaker than the other areas) and class (since quarantined people were housed according to the class of travel they had paid for on the ship bringing them over).

Really, though, the highlight was seeing a bandicoot, after all the signs that said "Caution: Endangered Bandicoots." I never realised they made specific signs for specific marsupials, rather than just generic endangered species ones. Its good to learn something I guess.

weasel part one

2005-06-21T17:21:00.000+10:00

This column used to apear in a Sydney mag on a weekly basis. It now goes to print in Brisbane, monthly. It's purely about pop music as opposed to movies or tv, but the music side is a thinly veiled excuse to gossip about and laugh at tragic celebs.

Forgive the capital letters. They are the desired formatting of the magazine, and I can't be arsed to change them all.

WEASEL: POP WITH BITE

With Greece having won Eurovision, SHAKIN’ STEVENS having won the British series ‘Hit Me Baby One More Time’, and with AUSTRALIAN IDOL only in the audition stages, my attention has naturally been diverted to the U.S. of A where ‘Hit Me Baby’ has just, predictably, been copied by the NBC network. So far, the series has seen wins by ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT and VANILLA ICE, who performed a modified version of DESTINY’S CHILD’s ‘Survivor’. They saw off the likes of CECE PENISTON (remember ‘Finally’ from the ‘Priscilla’ soundtrack?), TIFFANY (who made the final of the UK version), The KNACK and… errr… HADDAWAY.

Of course, none of these acts really hold a candle to BANANARAMA, who, as I informed you last time, are back! I’ve now managed to hear their new single ‘Move In My Direction’ and can tell you its just the sort of hollow poptasticness the world is desperately in need of. I could only be more excited if COLLETTE (who recently made an appearance at a night club in Sydney) was to follow the lead of MELISSA TKAUTZ and score a new record deal. A new song, ‘Lies’, backed by ‘Sexy (Is the Word) 05’, is coming out in July, with Melissa apparently having been signed on the basis of a similar performance.

If nothing else, Melissa can hope to outperform GERI HALLIWELL, whose latest single ‘Desire’ debuted at a disastrous number 22 in the UK (where, keep in mind, the fast movement of the charts means that anything debuting outside the top ten is considered a serious flop). This can only help bring about a SPICE GIRLS reunion, which MEL B (who, rumour has it, is about to wow the world with a great new song after her success starring in ‘Rent’) says is more likely to occur in July 2006 (ten years from the release of ‘Wannabe’) than for the upcoming Live 8 concerts.

Still, pop music can’t all be about washed up stars, since there are also those on their way to being washed up. BRITNEY SPEARS is having another crack with her new single ‘Someday (I Will Understand)’, which was premiered on the last episode (well it’s the ‘series finale’ at any rate) of her flop reality show ‘Britney and Kevin: Chaotic’. We can only hope that what she will ‘someday understand’ is that she shouldn’t have married a no-hoper white-trash leech and that she definitely shouldn’t have subjected the world to home videos of the two of them. Meanwhile, at kevinfederline.com you’ll find his unofficial fan site, with a biography that is strangely blank…

Following Britters’ example of working with her man is HILARY DUFF, whose boyfriend, BENJI MADDEN of GOOD CHARLOTTE has helped out on ‘Wake Up’, the first single to be released from her upcoming album ‘Most Wanted’, as well as a few more tracks for it. It seems that he and brother Joe would probably be co-writing the whole album, but for one twist. It’s a best of album! Yes, after two albums (plus one Christmas album in the US at least, although either way its more than Melissa Tkautz ever released), Hilary has decided that she needs a retrospective. Maybe she is merely acknowledging the number of her fans who have Attention Deficit Disorder and need to be regularly reminded exactly who she is (after all, her second album sold less than half as many copies as her debut). Or maybe she’s just been watching ‘Hit Me Baby’ and she’s getting a bit nervous…

loser of the week part one

2005-06-21T16:50:00.000+10:00

OK, so I write this little column called 'Loser of the Week', which is devoted to the mocking of losers (der), but has also developed a bit of a tendency to seek out the hilarious websites of celebs and other persons of prominence. I have decided to post these columns, but am going to have to do so after they have actually gone to print in the magazine they are in, so they will probably look a little out of date. Oh well.

Perhaps anyone who does read this would like to make LOTW suggestions. It is increasingly hard to find people to write about who are both amusing and not cliched, and this week I just gave up and went with the obvious. Previous targets have been Hilary Duff, Pope Benedict, Jeb Bush, Amanda Vanstone (check out the book reviews at vanstone.com.au!!!), Bjorn Wirdheim (racing car driver - I wanted to do something a little different for once), Paula Abdul and Farrah Fawcett.

So yeah, this week it was TOM CRUISE, but it was before the water squirt incident when I wrote it.

___________________________________________________

LOSER OF THE WEEK

"Something magnificent has happened to me and something extraordinary, and I'm so happy I just can't restrain myself.”

Well, Tom Cruise, I can’t restrain myself either. With every day my loathing grows. I don’t care if it’s a stunt (cue the gay rumours… now!) or not, quite frankly, but I do care that I am subjected to every repulsive detail of your affair with a woman so much younger that when she saw you in Risky Business she might have had to overcome a fear of cooties to develop her much discussed ‘crush’.

After a whole six weeks of dating – a period I like to refer to as the ‘Drew Barrymore wedding preparation phase’ – we’ve been privy to Tom ‘n’ Katie gushing uncontrollably, hinting at marriage (in particular during Holmes’ appearance on Letterman) and Katie deciding that she would like to find out more about Scientology after all. Well, guess what Katie? You should be taking Battleship Earth as a very bad sign.

Maybe I’m just bitter and hate people who are in love, or at least those who can’t shut up about it, but I suspect it doesn’t take being single to hate Tom Cruise right now. His idiotic love rants are an insult to every single person out there who has actually found love. Cruise hasn’t turned out a decent film in a long time (my god I hated Minority Report!), and this performance is a clear sign of why. Even if he is in love, he’s not convincing anyone. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not angry about his dumping ‘our Nic’, but for making her prosthetic nose in The Hours look realistic by comparison, Tom Cruise must surely be declared Loser of the Week.

But I’ll give the man himself the last word: "If people don't like it, then fuck them. If people don't like it, fuck off." You got a deal, pal. I bet War Of The Worlds is gonna be shit anyhow.

________________________________________________

As you can see folks, I need some new ideas.

a sorta mission statement (here with you)

2005-06-20T23:05:00.000+10:00

Greetings!

After much fluffing around and the setting up of a couple of other (totally unused) spaces, I have taken a potentially decisive step and sat down to actually write a first entry.

This blog will not be a diary of my life, hopes, fears, dreams or such like. I have never been a diarist, and, whilst I am widely held to be narcissistic (there you go! a snippet of autobiography!), I really don't feel an urge to share my so called life (see - allusions to pop culture! kick arse!) with the blogging community.

What I do wish to share is my hopefully acerbic and witty commentaries about pop culture. This at the very least means posting some of my magazine columns, articles and reviews. Hopefully I'll get off my arse and write some other stuff too (or maybe just post some links or something), but there are no promises.