weasel part two
Well, haven't I been slack! This column may be the last weasel, as the editor of the mag it appears in has left. A waiting to see if I get asked to keep it going by her successor, but who knows...
(again, forgive caps...)
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WEASEL: POP WITH BITE
There is something reassuring about the revival of MARIAH CAREY’S chart fortunes, even if her music is the same tiresome MOR R’n’B-Lite it always was. Perhaps it’s just that, with her career spanning from her 1989 self titled debut, her presence at the top of the charts (with ‘We Belong Together’, which has created a new record for most spins on US radio in one week and the atrociously named album ‘The Emancipation of Mimi’ which has cleared a good three million copies in the US and is a bonafide hit the world around) makes me feel somehow younger.
Apparently, though, terrorists are to blame for Mariah’s former woes. “‘Glitter’ was ahead of its time – today it's 'in' to make 80's music," Carey told mariahdaily.com, adding: "But the timing was bad - I released it around September 11, 2001. The talk shows needed something to distract from 9/11. I became a punching bag. I was so successful that they tore me down because my album was at number 2 instead of number 1." If the attacks on London didn’t have you cursing Al Qaeda, surely this miscarriage of justice will. I bet Osama Bin Laden personally intervened to make ‘Glitter’ the worst film ever made (OK, second after MADONNA’S ‘Swept Away’) and thus ensure its soundtrack tanked. Fiendish.
Closer to home, former BARDOT figurine TIFFANI WOOD is blaming a more conventional fiend for the failure of her last solo effort (’What RU Waiting For’ – which her website nonetheless refers to as “SO inspiring”). Yep, she’s breaking out the good old ‘my nasty record company tried to mould me into something I’m not’ excuse. However, unlike fellow whiner KELLY OSBOURNE (whose disturbingly titled second album ‘Sleeping In The Nothing’ was largely co-written with P!NK and CHRISTINA AGUILERA song-writer Linda Perry) she at least had the decency to emerge on an independent label with her rock-infused new single ‘Devil In Your Soul’ (which is “about what happens in the music industry when trying to be someone you're not”). Of course, a cynic might say that her new found indie status isn’t simply the influence of her flatmate, Idol star CHANEL ‘Ricki-Lee got a single out so what about me’ COLE, but a lack of other options. Still, what really matters is the music. And yes, it’s shit. Sample lyric: “Headlines appear, you’re the next big thing / Keepin' the glory for yourself cause you sucked 'em in.”
Still, no one can quite challenge GERI HALLIWELL for the title of most tragically washed up former girl band ‘singer’. Her new album, ‘Passion’, which has inexplicably garnered a release in Australia, has proven as popular in the UK as dressing on VICTORIA BECKHAM’S salad (her anniversary meal in Singapore recently apparently consisted of steamed lobster, salad and a slice of pineapple for dessert, with a directive to staff that there be no “oil, fat or butter in my food"). ‘Passion’ sold a meagre five thousand copies in its first week in Britain and I’m guessing it’s sold at least three or four more here. She only has to clear another 140,000 to match the UK sales of the less successful of her previous albums (2002’s ‘Scream If You Wanna Go Faster’), and I’m sure the album will rebound after having dropped out of the top 100 in its second week. Just like I’m sure KEVIN FEDERLINE will get up to change nappies in the middle of the night.
Not to worry. I’m sure Geri can blame it all on a global terrorist conspiracy. Or MEL B. Whatever.
(again, forgive caps...)
_________________________________________________________
WEASEL: POP WITH BITE
There is something reassuring about the revival of MARIAH CAREY’S chart fortunes, even if her music is the same tiresome MOR R’n’B-Lite it always was. Perhaps it’s just that, with her career spanning from her 1989 self titled debut, her presence at the top of the charts (with ‘We Belong Together’, which has created a new record for most spins on US radio in one week and the atrociously named album ‘The Emancipation of Mimi’ which has cleared a good three million copies in the US and is a bonafide hit the world around) makes me feel somehow younger.
Apparently, though, terrorists are to blame for Mariah’s former woes. “‘Glitter’ was ahead of its time – today it's 'in' to make 80's music," Carey told mariahdaily.com, adding: "But the timing was bad - I released it around September 11, 2001. The talk shows needed something to distract from 9/11. I became a punching bag. I was so successful that they tore me down because my album was at number 2 instead of number 1." If the attacks on London didn’t have you cursing Al Qaeda, surely this miscarriage of justice will. I bet Osama Bin Laden personally intervened to make ‘Glitter’ the worst film ever made (OK, second after MADONNA’S ‘Swept Away’) and thus ensure its soundtrack tanked. Fiendish.
Closer to home, former BARDOT figurine TIFFANI WOOD is blaming a more conventional fiend for the failure of her last solo effort (’What RU Waiting For’ – which her website nonetheless refers to as “SO inspiring”). Yep, she’s breaking out the good old ‘my nasty record company tried to mould me into something I’m not’ excuse. However, unlike fellow whiner KELLY OSBOURNE (whose disturbingly titled second album ‘Sleeping In The Nothing’ was largely co-written with P!NK and CHRISTINA AGUILERA song-writer Linda Perry) she at least had the decency to emerge on an independent label with her rock-infused new single ‘Devil In Your Soul’ (which is “about what happens in the music industry when trying to be someone you're not”). Of course, a cynic might say that her new found indie status isn’t simply the influence of her flatmate, Idol star CHANEL ‘Ricki-Lee got a single out so what about me’ COLE, but a lack of other options. Still, what really matters is the music. And yes, it’s shit. Sample lyric: “Headlines appear, you’re the next big thing / Keepin' the glory for yourself cause you sucked 'em in.”
Still, no one can quite challenge GERI HALLIWELL for the title of most tragically washed up former girl band ‘singer’. Her new album, ‘Passion’, which has inexplicably garnered a release in Australia, has proven as popular in the UK as dressing on VICTORIA BECKHAM’S salad (her anniversary meal in Singapore recently apparently consisted of steamed lobster, salad and a slice of pineapple for dessert, with a directive to staff that there be no “oil, fat or butter in my food"). ‘Passion’ sold a meagre five thousand copies in its first week in Britain and I’m guessing it’s sold at least three or four more here. She only has to clear another 140,000 to match the UK sales of the less successful of her previous albums (2002’s ‘Scream If You Wanna Go Faster’), and I’m sure the album will rebound after having dropped out of the top 100 in its second week. Just like I’m sure KEVIN FEDERLINE will get up to change nappies in the middle of the night.
Not to worry. I’m sure Geri can blame it all on a global terrorist conspiracy. Or MEL B. Whatever.
posted by weasel at 11:48 PM
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