loser of the week part five
LOSER OF THE WEEK
If writing this column has taught me anything, it is that there is no one so tragic as a minor celebrity whose dubious stardom is largely dependent on another with whom they are associated. Bobby Brown is of course a sterling example and several other Losers of the Week have side-kicks (Haylie Duff, Katie Holmes, Jackie O etc) who might well be judged the greater loser, all things considered. This week’s awardee, however, might be said to be the Patron Saint of Parasitic Celebrity. I’m talking about the least talented member of pop music’s most famous family (not counting the couple who actually have never recorded anything): La Toya Jackson.
La Toya, or ‘Toy’ as she recently rebranded herself (since DJs were unlikely to play records knowing they were by her) has many attributes that make her a classic celebrity Loser. She’s had so much surgery that awfulplasticsurgery.com can’t locate a picture of her that predates rhinoplasty, and she boasts a tan to make Donatella Versace look pale. She’s appeared in a Playboy spread (scarily enough, one of the highest selling editions ever), hosted a psychic hotline (which she now admits was phoney – surprise!) and gotten herself into severe debt after reneging on a contract with a venue that was actually foolhardy enough to want to book her for a year.
What really makes La Toya Jackson such an overwhelmingly worthy winner of Loser of the Week, however, is her blatant hypocrisy. If bitching to anyone will listen about her family will get her some attention, then La Toya has plenty of tales to tell. Her autobiography Growing Up in The Jackson Family accused her father of abuse. Later she ventured her opinion that the allegations against Michael were true.
None of this ill-feeling was anywhere to be seen during the trial, however. Indeed, a much reported image is of a member of the Jackson family rolling down a limo window to wave triumphantly at fans and press immediately after the not guilty verdict was handed down. Unsurprisingly, it was the Jackson with a new album to promote. As her official website so tastefully states: “This means that I am not the only person 'Startin' Over' - Michael is now STARTING OVER as well.”
Bet you can’t guess what her album is called…
If writing this column has taught me anything, it is that there is no one so tragic as a minor celebrity whose dubious stardom is largely dependent on another with whom they are associated. Bobby Brown is of course a sterling example and several other Losers of the Week have side-kicks (Haylie Duff, Katie Holmes, Jackie O etc) who might well be judged the greater loser, all things considered. This week’s awardee, however, might be said to be the Patron Saint of Parasitic Celebrity. I’m talking about the least talented member of pop music’s most famous family (not counting the couple who actually have never recorded anything): La Toya Jackson.
La Toya, or ‘Toy’ as she recently rebranded herself (since DJs were unlikely to play records knowing they were by her) has many attributes that make her a classic celebrity Loser. She’s had so much surgery that awfulplasticsurgery.com can’t locate a picture of her that predates rhinoplasty, and she boasts a tan to make Donatella Versace look pale. She’s appeared in a Playboy spread (scarily enough, one of the highest selling editions ever), hosted a psychic hotline (which she now admits was phoney – surprise!) and gotten herself into severe debt after reneging on a contract with a venue that was actually foolhardy enough to want to book her for a year.
What really makes La Toya Jackson such an overwhelmingly worthy winner of Loser of the Week, however, is her blatant hypocrisy. If bitching to anyone will listen about her family will get her some attention, then La Toya has plenty of tales to tell. Her autobiography Growing Up in The Jackson Family accused her father of abuse. Later she ventured her opinion that the allegations against Michael were true.
None of this ill-feeling was anywhere to be seen during the trial, however. Indeed, a much reported image is of a member of the Jackson family rolling down a limo window to wave triumphantly at fans and press immediately after the not guilty verdict was handed down. Unsurprisingly, it was the Jackson with a new album to promote. As her official website so tastefully states: “This means that I am not the only person 'Startin' Over' - Michael is now STARTING OVER as well.”
Bet you can’t guess what her album is called…
posted by weasel at 11:59 PM
1 Comments:
Hey Roozi,
If you don't update your blog soon, I'm gonna delete it off my link list. Cool?
L
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