'Pop Life' August

Here are the bits from my latest 'Pop Life' Column that aren't already plagiarised from this blog:

Of course Darren’s man could have made things easier if he’d married the other ‘new’ recruit to the ranks of openly homo celebrities, former Justin Timberlake back up singer (I mean, N’Sync member) Lance Bass. Then they could Dick and Lance. From what I hear on the grapevine, poor old Lance could use a nicer boyfriend. Rumours abound that his current bit of fluff, Amazing Race winner Reichen, is using him for his money after putting most of his TV winnings up his nose. And Reichen apparently believes in neither trust nor monogamy. No wonder Lance wants to be an astronaut, it must be terrible dating people who are just hoping for a chance to meet Justin.

Still if doesn’t work out, perhaps we can look forward to a TV special Lance is Getting Married… or should that be Lance is Getting Committed? I’m sure David from Big Brother’s boyfriend will be single by then and looking for his next chance to jump on the fame bandwagon. How embarrassing was their emotional reunion after their whole four weeks of being in love? And they met at Mardi Gras, so presumably they spent a chunk of that time either high or coming down.

Now, did I mention Jessica Simpson? No? Well, besides having a new album with a title that George Michael must be envious of, she’s recorded a cover of a camp classic on her new album. Track two on A Public Affair is a version of Dead or Alive’s ‘You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)’, and it is a travesty of Jamie-winning-Big-Brother proportions. Pete Burns would be spinning in his grave if he was dead and not just a freaky plastic-surgery-gone wrong mess.

Still at least Jess is trying to be respectful to her pop elders. Ripping off ‘Holiday’ on her current single is by no means as big an insult to Madonna as that managed by British starlet Lily Allen, who has dubbed Madge “the most over-rated person in pop history. She told magazine: "I haven't got anything against her at all but I don't think anything she's done since the early Eighties has really been, like, 'wow'. She might have meant something once but I don't know many people my age who care."

Ouch. Ever hear of ‘Ray of Light’ Lily? Methinks it will outlast ‘Smile’ in the hearts of the masses. At least ‘Smile’ is an enjoyable enough ditty the first eighteen or so times though, something which can’t be said for the solo debut of Black Eyed Pease singer Fergie. ‘London Bridge’, a recording so painful as to make me re-evaluate the relative awfulness of Bec Cartwright’s singing ‘career’.