The joy of washed up celebrities II

I'm a little slow off the mark writing about It Takes Two, I know, but I couldn't face the prospect of watching it. The hilarity of last ditch attempts by Punani and Guy Sebastian to save their careers (although perhaps Guy could form Young Divos with Millsy, Levi and Courtney Murphy) is admiteddly appealing, but the whole thing is a bit too Singing With the Stars for my liking.

So I was all set to ignore it until I chanced upon the news that Wendy Matthews is on the show.

I can't quite decide if that is hilarious or genuinely sad.

The poor love. I thought that it would rain, on the day she went on a TV show.



PS. The website for the show seems a tad optimistic...

"The legendary singer and former Young Talent Time performer and journalist/broadcaster Karen Knowles and Richard Zachariah hit the floor next with the swing tune, What Now, My Love? Richard brought out all the suave moves and their peformance was welcomed by the studio audience who went wild!
The judges seemed to be won over too!
Scores: Marina 4, James 4, Amanda 4, Ross 4 "

(Those scores are out of 10)

The joy of washed up celebrities

This is not as good as 'Girlfriend star tries on new platform' (about a former singer with the band Girlfriend working in a shoe store in Castle Hill), but it's good. Wonder if he'll do an interview with Koshie and Mel?

OT - Not just a cereal

A former inhabitant of my house (ie. before I or my housemates lived here) was a Scientologist. It would appear that she fled Scientology when she fled the house, because we have been getting her Scientology mail for some months now.

And what a riot it is. All OT (operating thetan) and havingness and so on and so forth. It's basically a whole new language, and trying to work out what the pamphlets and magazines we get say is difficult to say the least.

Yesterday a great big magazine arrived celebrating the birthday of LRH (L. Ron Hubbard, Scientology founder), with a big article proclaiming Scientology's many successes over the last twelve months.

Besides the disturbing news that LRH has received an award from the UN (a slight overstatement, says my googling effort) and that his 'technology' is being used by hundreds of governments, what I particularly enjoyed was the bit where they mentioned that media coverage of Scientology had increased by 300% over the past twelve months.

This figure actually seems quite modest, when you think about all the press over Tom Cruise and his nutty Scientology-inspired antics.

I think perhaps the maxim 'all publicity is good publicity' has now been stretched to breaking point.

(NB. Pic above: To acknowledge one’s attainment of New OT VIII, a Scientologist may wear the OT bracelet)

PS. Speaking of Scientologists has anyone else enjoyed Fat Actress?? I might post on this later.

A new low?

This is totally stolen from Popjustice, but try and guess what BWY stands for?

If something really tasteless springs to mind, then you're right.

To make matters worse, they are all failed Norwegian Pop Idol contestants. The Young Divas of Scandinavia, if you will.

I think they could have just called themselves Oriental Layer Cake.

About 66 cents (AU) worth of songwriting genius

50 Cent has just won a prize for songwriting.

Rather than comment, I've elected to provide some examples of his award winning oeuvre.

From Candy Shop:

"Isn't it ironic how erotic it is to watch em in thongs
Had me thinking 'bout that ass after I'm gone
I touch the right spot at the right time
Lights on or lights off, she like it from behind"

From 21 Questions:

"And in bed if I used to my tongue, would you like that?
If I wrote you a love letter would you write back?
Now we can have a lil' drink, you know a nightcap
And we could go do what you like, I know you like that"

From Disco Inferno:

"U see me rollin, you know wot I'm holdin, I'm about my paper, yeah.
Nigga I'm serious, I ain't playin', I'm embeded in ya brain, I'm off the chain."

From Ghetto Quran:

"That first verse is just a dose of the shit that I'm on
Consider this the first chapter in the ghetto's Quran"

On the bright side, he is the person who said "I love you like a fat kid loves cake"...

A couple of thoughts

Firstly, after watching the series finale of Desperate Housewives, I've come to the conclusion that it has become Melrose Place. It started out as a mix of pomo cuteness and a little bit of seriousness, and now it's an uber melodrama with Marcia Cross getting nuttier by the week.

Secondly, if even I am bored by Madonna's latest antics, exactly who still cares??

Them wacky Confederates

OK, so calling Victoria 'The Confederacy' is probably only amusing to me, but my absence from blogging has been due to a trip down South.

As soon as I saw this I knew it would be my Melbourne Anecdote TM.

A seriously schmick bar (all frosted glass, white leather and metallic surfaces, with the requisite trendoid crowd - like a straight version of Slide in Sydney) with...

row after row...

of Ten Pin Bowling.

I can just imagine the conversation that brought such an idea about.

Person one: So, what do you think is the worst thing we could possibly mix with alcohol?
Person two: Hmm... I dunno... GHB?
Person one: Yeah, OK, besides that...
Person two: Oh, well I guess it would have to be Ten Pin Bowling then.
Person one: Bingo!

It was fun while it lasted

Commander in Chief has been axed. This was to be expected, given its sagging ratings in the US (and also here, where it is now below a million viewers a week) and its deeply formulaic nature, but nonetheless I've enjoyed it while it lasted.

Many will leap to point out that CIC is not half the show that The West Wing is, and they are probably right. Never having watched TWW, I have to rely on the reviews and opinions from people I know who suggest it is a genuinely clever, quality drama series.

CIC was not. It was fluff. But it was my fluff. For some reason, I found the adventures of Mackenzie Allan, the independent Vice President thrust into being the first woman President by the death of her Republican running mate, compulsive viewing.

There were many, many flaws: the ridiculous premise, the fact that the views and actions of President Allan were far to the left of the Democrats but yet she had run with Republicans and her strategy for re-election was to win as a moderate, and, most of all, the fact that she bloody wins every week. However, CIC felt like a drop of Hollywood optimism (albeit misguided) in a storm of depressing reality.It was pretty easy to feel a bit of love for a President who angsted over women being stoned to death for adultery in Nigeria. OK, and her son being seriously HOT didn't hurt.

There are three more episodes airing in the US and then maybe a telemovie. This means it will still air for most of the rest of the year in Oz (unless its ratings *really* sag), but there's still not a lot of chance of ever seeing 'Mack' fight a Presidential election, the one thing that would really have been worth waiting to see.

Farewell CIC, we hardly knew ye.

PS. This site, which reads as though its a political blog about a real political leader, is craptacular. Hilariously, the yes vote is winning the poll of whether Mackenzie should step down by a significant margin.
PPS. Australian TV might not have aired the episodes (I'm of course getting my CIC fix on itunes) where Mark-Paul Gosselaar (aka. Zack from Saved By the Bell) joins the cast, but he's a definite bonus.

The surprises keep coming

This is the sorry excuse for a city boy homo that the powers that be have elected should join self-hating (read: National Party member) so-called top David on Big Brother.

(Did anyone notice David's essentially misogynistic response as to why he chose men over women??)

It was mindnumbingly obvious that they would choose a camp guy to go in and annoy the hell out of David, but it surely would have made better TV to have chosen a camp but attractive guy, who David might be simultaneously drawn to and annoyed by?

This beast with 80s hair, bad fake tan and eyebrows that would shame a drag queen is hardly going to cause a stir.

Here's hoping he might have a violent political disagreement with David over the merits of the National Party, but I won't be holding my breath.

Surprise 'Biggest Loser' celebrates

I can really see a reality TV show being based on this, or at least David Blaine will try and be down a mine for longer.

UPDATE: Ideas for a reality TV show (tentatively named Shafted)

(with input from ComicStripHero)

- the premise: how long can you remain shafted? Out stay, out last, out emote.
- the hosts: Jennifer Hawkins and Grant Bowler
- the theme song: 'Hole in My Heart (All the Way to China)' - Cyndi Lauper OR 'Stuck in the Middle With You' - Stealers OR 'Stuck in a Moment You Can't Get Out Of' - U2 (or maybe 'We're Sending Our Love Down the Well'*)
- cruel twist 1: you get sent an ipod, with only Nicki Webster on it
- cruel twist 2: a celebrity is coming down to share her lunch with you - Mary Kate Olsen
- cruel twist 3: a celebrity is coming down to share her lunch with you - Lindsay Lohan (who ate before she came down...)
- cruel twist 4: a scrabble board with no vowels is sent down
- cruel twist 5: sustagen gold is given through a tube as a reward for a task, but it's not dutch chocolate flavour
- cruel twist 6: canned food, but no can opener

Anyone got any ideas for tasks?

If at first you don't suceed...

Besides The Logies, Australian Idol may well be the single most reliable source of pop culture tragedy in this country. And as if the pathetic ‘careers’ of some of the show’s graduates haven’t provided amusement enough, SonyBMG have packaged four of them as the ‘Young Divas’ with a concert tour and single release.

Paulini (Season One – recently released flop single ‘Rough Day’), Ricki-Lee (Season Two – was previously signed to indie label Shock records), Kate DeAraugo (Season Three’s dismal winner) and Emily Williams (Season Three runner-up – hasn’t even released a solo single!) have come together to rehash a camp classic, Donna Summer’s Stock Aiken Waterman penned 1989 hit ‘This Time I Know It’s For Real’.

Besides the fact that they’ve butchered one of my favourite songs, the stench of desperation is what really makes this a notable release. Does the title of the song intentionally refer to the failure of their previous projects?

Apparently the concert will feature the ‘divas’(a rather premature use of a title usually attributed to the likes of Aretha Franklin or Cher) performing “their biggest and best hits”. After that twenty minutes they’ll be “whipping the crowds into a frenzy together … with a hand picked selection of great songs”.

Fifty bucks for an evening of Karaoke? Sounds like fun.

Still at least Cosima Devito is nowhere to be seen. A friend of mine recently saw the Season One Idol finalist (she of the ‘throat nodules’) on a ‘red eye’ flight from Perth to Sydney (that’s the one that departs at 12am and arrives at 6am – usually the cheapest one). Clearly her life is no longer a smorgasbord of hair extensions and recording sessions with Diane Warren. I wonder if her parents, who took out a mortgage to finance her flop debut album, are homeless yet?

UPDATE: 'TTIKIFR' bowed at number 7 on the ARIA chart. Not bad, I suppose. Now let's see if it helps Punani's new single, slated for release this week...

I need to cut my hair

I'm worried that I might look like this:

Just the style I mean, obviously not the colour.

Yes, I need a haircut.

Got popbitch?

Apparently, there are still some people in the world not signed up to the Popbitch mailing list.

They therefore weren't emailed this link.

The things I love about this (besides the obvious joy of seeing a young Whitney Houston sing about how bad drugs are) are:

1. It also has Bobby Brown singing in it (as a member of New Edition), not to mention appearances from Ahnuld Schwarzenegger.
2. The people dancing look like they are on ecstacy.
3. The film clip makes taking drugs look and sound kinda cool.
4. The song reminds me very much of Mylo's 'Destroy Rock 'n' Roll' (who's gonna do the mash up?)
5. Two words: Toni Basil.
6. "And Introducing (in her first Rock Video) First Lady Nancy Reagan".

And if Whitney needs some inspiration, she can just reflect on these lyrics:

"Drugs are causing pain and everyone's a loser in this deadly game that's played.
It's insanity. We know that dope is slavery.
And you know we've got to be free..."

UPDATE: Junior Vasquez remixed the Whitney interview into a dance track. Perhaps you can download it. I am of course waiting for it to become legitimately available, but I'm sure it's pretty funny.

Hurrah for populence with a political conscience

It seems that the Pet Shop Boys have found form again. I've now heard both 'Integral' and 'I'm With Stupid' from their forthcoming Fundamental album, and they are both great. And I'm not saying that just because my favourite website thinks so.

The cute 'n' clever lyrics are back:

"No one understands me
Where I'm coming from
Why would I be with someone
who's obviously so dumb?"

And so is the dance-pop sound they had tried to move away from in recent years. I'm sure Release was a a beautiful little record, but I like my Pet Shop Boys dry and camp thanks very much.

Best of all, they're aiming their snideness at Tony Blair and his ID cards policy for combatting terrorism:

"If you've done nothing wrong
You've got nothing to fear
If you've something to hide
You shouldn't even be here
You've had your chance
Now we've got the mandate
If you've changed your mind
I'm afraid it's too late
We're concerned
You're a threat
You're not integral
To the project "